(no subject)

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 21-year-old college student living in a house with five other students. There are three women and three men. We’re having an issue keeping our kitchen clean, and I am the only one who consistently cleans. I keep the floors and counters clean, wash the piles of dishes in the sink, wash dish towels, etc. Anytime I’ve asked people to chip in, they never follow through. I’ve tried not doing the cleaning, but then the kitchen gets disgusting and I end up caving.

I’m not completely innocent when it comes to not always washing my dishes immediately and being messy, but I feel like I clean more often than anyone else. A general chore chart doesn’t work, and I am tired of feeling like my roommate’s mother. How can I get them to take some initiative and do more of the heavy lifting that always falls on me?

—Not a Mother to Five at 21

Dear Not a Mother,

Move. Really. I wish I had a better answer, but you’re not going to change the behavior of these adults. And even if you could, I hate to think of all the time and energy it would take. You’re in college and your brain power should be dedicated to learning, exploring, and having new experiences, not writing up a chore chart and monitoring compliance with it. If the nature of your housing arrangement means you can’t get out until the end of the school year, you’ll have to survive until then. I suggest washing your own dishes (yes, immediately after you use them) and doing the amount of cleaning you would do if you didn’t have roommates, plus no more than 30 extra minutes per week (I figure that’s the amount you’ll need to get things sanitary enough to feel comfortable in there).

A tip for when you look for new roommates: Everyone describes themselves as “clean.” But the thing is, people who haven’t lived with others before don’t have anyone to compare themselves to. They might think things are pristine as long as there’s not an overflowing trash can with gnats buzzing around it. And people who have always had someone cleaning up after them may enjoy a tidy space, but lack the skills and habits to maintain it. So, you want to say you’re looking for someone who is “obsessively clean” with the goal of attracting a housemate who cares as much as you do about what the kitchen looks like and is willing to work to keep it that way.

Link

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll add another bit of practical advice to Prudence's already practical advice: it's better to pay a little more for a little less than to share with five other people, especially at this age.

I know it seems like the more the merrier, many hands make light work and all that - but no, young adults are terrible and the more people there are to pick up the slack the more they'll all expect everybody else to pick up their slack.

One or two roommates in a small apartment is better than six in a house.

It's tragically true that you can't just make other adults clean as much as you think they should.

say you’re looking for someone who is “obsessively clean”

Oh god no. Washing up regularly, cleaning counters and dishtowels ever, doesn't need to be "obsessive". That way you risk driving off people with as much adult competence as you, and ending up sharing with someone who is disappointed that you're not more scrupulous than you are. I'm not sure what's right, but I'd try briefly describing what level you're actually looking for, and it seems reasonable to find people who want the same thing.

And if you talk to them, maybe explicitly ask how clean they actually kept things at their previous place -- lots of people end up with a different standard in practice than they had in mind, because they were unrealistic, or busier than they expected, or have baggage from previous housemates.

LW is not their roommates' maid. Until LW can move out, I would suggest they invest in a mini-fridge. Also LW should store all their food, utensils, and dishes in their room. Bring out only what's needed to cook meals in the kitchen, wash up afterwards, then take everything back to the room without touching the general mess. Do as much meal prep in the room as possible, or use the dining table to avoid using the kitchen.

(During a summer semester I lived in an on-campus apartment with 4 other people. One of them left their dirty dishes to rot for weeks in the kitchenette. The rest of us did the above.)

I used to rent out my guest room for extra cash. One summer I had a college student staying with me during the workweek for his summer internship (his hometown was about 2 hours away, so he was here after work on Monday until leaving for work Friday morning) and he was really good at things like leaving puddles on the bathroom counters, leaving pans on the stovetop to "cool off" or letting dishes "soak" (without water in them) in the sink, leaving towels in a heap on the floor, etc. I ended up leaving post-its around the house pointing out his messes and sent him a text that said "I am not your mother, and you are a grown adult who agreed to a lease that says you will clean up after yourself in common areas. Do better."

Passive aggressive? Absolutely. But did it work? You betcha!

I interviewed to be a flatmate once and they sid describe themselves and the other housemates as obsessively clean and then they went to great lengths to describe it. I had just come from a houseshare that we all pitched in but this was another level and I did not move in bc of the obsessiveness.