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Ask Amy: Parent is tired of explaining gender transitioning
Dear Amy: I have two wonderful kids. They are both in the military. One is active, and the other is a veteran on disability, who is also transgender.
When people ask, “How are your girls?” I usually say, “Well, one is now a male,” or I’ll start by saying, “One of my kids suffered his whole life as a female,” and then explain that he finally had surgery and is now very happy as a male transgender.
Amy, some people grasp the idea and show support. Others just stare and don’t say much. One woman was so disoriented that she kept repeating, “She is now a male . . .?!”
I was so taken aback by her reaction that I facetiously said, “And my other daughter was born a chimpanzee!” Then I walked away.
What is the best way to answer people that I haven’t seen for a while when they reasonably ask, “How are the girls?”
I won’t just say, “Oh, they are fine,” because that will be hiding the fact that one is now a male and I am very supportive of him.
I am very proud of both of them.
Dad of a Transgender
Dad of a Transgender: I can imagine how exhausting it might be to feel like you are always having to educate and reorient people.
But, “Oh, they’re fine” is not a cop-out; it is your right to respond this way if you don’t feel like explaining gender transitioning in the aisle of the grocery story. (And — it happens to be true; they are fine.)
Only offer up an explanation if you want to. And if you do, understand that every time you advocate for your son, you help a lot of other people who don’t have a supportive and loving parent in their corner. Our perceptions are changing, one conversation at a time.
When people ask, “How are your girls?” I usually say, “Well, one is now a male,” or I’ll start by saying, “One of my kids suffered his whole life as a female,” and then explain that he finally had surgery and is now very happy as a male transgender.
Amy, some people grasp the idea and show support. Others just stare and don’t say much. One woman was so disoriented that she kept repeating, “She is now a male . . .?!”
I was so taken aback by her reaction that I facetiously said, “And my other daughter was born a chimpanzee!” Then I walked away.
What is the best way to answer people that I haven’t seen for a while when they reasonably ask, “How are the girls?”
I won’t just say, “Oh, they are fine,” because that will be hiding the fact that one is now a male and I am very supportive of him.
I am very proud of both of them.
Dad of a Transgender
Dad of a Transgender: I can imagine how exhausting it might be to feel like you are always having to educate and reorient people.
But, “Oh, they’re fine” is not a cop-out; it is your right to respond this way if you don’t feel like explaining gender transitioning in the aisle of the grocery story. (And — it happens to be true; they are fine.)
Only offer up an explanation if you want to. And if you do, understand that every time you advocate for your son, you help a lot of other people who don’t have a supportive and loving parent in their corner. Our perceptions are changing, one conversation at a time.
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And you're not the father of "a transgender." Stop that right now.
If you don't want to do a whole social awareness seminar every time you run into someone in line at the coffee shop, a good answer to "How are the girls?" is "The kids are both fine, thanks." If you want, go ahead and expand by using their names. "Janet is stationed at Fort Smalltalk, and Brad just got a job minding his own business." Your old friends will ask "Who's Brad?" or "What about Barbara?", which gives you an opening to explain what's up with Brad - or to say "And how's your family doing?"
no subject
no subject