Update to a fustercluck

[ysobel]

[Originally posted in chat; I have added paragraphs for readability]

My brother has organized an ill-advised surprise party for my father's 75th birthday.

Our father is a complete introvert and also very exacting. He likes things to be a certain way, and gets tense and angry if everything is not perfectly to his taste. He hates loud places and large groups of people. Unfortunately, he's always used excessive alcohol to handle social engagements and gets belligerent when drunk.

Because of all of this, I was surprised when my brother, "James" told me that he'd planned a surprise birthday party of 30 guests for my dad at a new restaurant. The guest list includes the following extremely awkward confirmed attendees: our aunt (dad's semi-estranged sister) who is an overbearing religious fanatic none of us can stand; our mother (dad's ex-wife) who is resented by our dad and hated by our aforementioned aunt because of the divorce; and a number of neighbors who our dad has been feuding with off and on for the last 20 years.

I asked my mom why she was going along with this and she said James called in a big favor she owed him and she felt like she couldn’t say no, so he’s pulling out all the stops to make this happen.

I don't know how James could possibly think this is a good idea, except that he has a huge ego and believes this will be some fairy tale reunion where everyone will suddenly make nice. I don't mean that James is a bad guy but he has a tendency to steamroll over people and do things "for their own good." Every argument I've made against this party has prompted him to lecture me and act like he knows so much better because he's 7 years older than me.

It's true that my Dad can be difficult but I don't want him to feel ambushed on his birthday. If James keeps refusing to cancel should I warn my dad? Or do I just kick back with a glass of wine and watch the drama unfold?

I can't go without answering this one. It's from a past chat and I resubmitted it myself when I saw it in the outtakes, because, wow. (Almost missed it again.)

You have tried to stop James.

Now, this is not for you to fix. I don't know what your brother is doing, either, but it's not your business.

I would suggest, though, that you stay in driving condition in case your dad wants or needs to leave on short notice.

(I hope I'm not too late -- sorry I missed the Q the first time.)



[Update in yesterdays chat]

I saw a bunch of people asking for an update in the comments and I'm here in time to give one. It was a cluster-you-know-what but in a different way than anticipated.

The old man was a complete no-show.

No one could find him anywhere that day. My brother accused me of letting him know but it turned out it was our mom (!!) Those of us who were there did enjoy dinner but James was furious. Okay, my PIA aunt also stormed out but that was a plus for the evening. James and mom are now not speaking but my dad is not angry at our mom for the first time since the divorce. My aunt visited my dad the next day to berate him for no-showing his own party so he and his sister are not speaking as well but that's nothing new.

Christmas will be a minefield this year but honestly, that's also nothing new in my family

Comments

[otter]

That's kind of funny, to me. That the ex-wife did the one thing that they would agree on.

[minoanmiss]

Jesus. Monoplpoid. CHRIST

[topaz_eyes]

James called in a big favor she owed him and she felt like she couldn’t say no

Omg. What was James thinking when he decided to set up that powder keg? At least LW's mom came to her senses and gave a heads-up to LW's dad to head it off.

[full_metal_ox]

It’s probably just as well that James’ Hallmark holiday movie script fizzled out; I have no difficulty imagining it playing out as a Battle Royale.

[oursin]

This sounds totally like 'tis that day o' the year when Aunt Ada Doom leaves her room and comes downstairs for the Counting of the Starkadders to see who's been pushed down the well, eaten by watervoles, trampled by the bull, etc', in its prospects for draaaaaama.

In fact, James sounds a bit like Ada Doom, setting this up:

Storms were what they liked; plenty of rows, and doors being slammed, and jaws sticking out, and faces white with fury, and faces brooding in corners, and faces making unnecessary fuss at breakfast, and plenty of opportunities for gorgeous emotional wallowings, and partings for ever, and misunderstandings, and interferings, and spyings, and, above all, managing and intriguing.

[nineveh_uk]

LW is an idiot for not telling him, and I'm baffled by how Carolyn says it isn't their business - it is absolutely the business of someone who loves their parent and doesn't want him to have an awful time on his birthday. Which fortunately his ex-wife realised.

[princessofgeeks]

This is quite the family drama.

Personally I would have kept my mouth shut too and let it all play out.

But it worked out great that the LW's mom did ruin the surprise and then dad took exactly the action he wanted to!

And I thought MY family was crazy. Yeesh.

[lethe1]

Hahaha, serves James right!

[mildred_of_midgard]

And this is why, if my family has to be dysfunctional, I'm glad we do splinter groups and full estrangement. Every splinter group doesn't speak to every other splinter group, and it's all very calm and peaceful.

[conuly]

LMAO.

[rymenhild]

Honestly that's a happy ending. I love it.

[tielan]

I hooted with laughter at the denouement.

Well done, mom.