Dear Prudence: Wedding faux pas?

[lilysea]

Dear Prudence, I recently attended a wedding of one of my husband’s college friends. He’s not someone that we see often, but we encounter him and his bride two or three times a year at parties, are friends on Facebook, etc. Anyways, I wore a blue dress to the ceremony, and it turns out that the bride’s wedding colors were royal blue. Her bridesmaids wore the color, the close family wore the color. I had no idea. Other than a wedding invitation, we never had any contact with them prior to the event since a summer BBQ where dress codes were not discussed. It seems that she casually told some of her friends not to wear blue, and I didn’t get the message. She was apparently horrified that I had worn “her color.” Another woman also wore blue and got the same treatment.

At the start of the reception, she stomped over and said very loudly that she couldn’t believe I had worn her color. It was really embarrassing, but it was her wedding day so I apologized, said that I had no idea and that the whole day was beautiful. She stomped off in a huff, and eventually her husband came over and said that she was really upset and that seeing my dress was detracting from her having fun. He wanted to know whether I could change. A friend loaned me a long black sweater and I put it on over the dress. Later, the bride pointed me out (while using a microphone) and said “she’s not invited.” Later in the night, she came up to me AGAIN to tell me how this had shattered her day. At this point, my patience was wearing a little thin. We said our goodbyes. This morning, I woke up to being tagged in a rant about guest etiquette on Facebook and an email from the groom asking me to apologize again. I responded, copying his wife, reiterating my original message in a bland way (sorry, I didn’t know. I appreciated them letting me know and hopefully wearing the world’s largest sweater had mitigated it. It was a lovely day. Have a nice life). This woman has gone from generically fine to totally unhinged in my book. We’re going to see them again at a BBQ in about a month (it’s at our house, otherwise I’d skip it). I’m wondering how to handle this situation, especially since I just got a call from a mutual friend saying that she called her sobbing about how this had really cast a pall over her day. At this point, I don’t want to fuel the fire or ever engage again, but I’m stumped—because she seems excited to have a dead horse to beat.

Answer: Good Lord, this woman is grimly determined to be personally victimized by the color blue. It’s a little trickier to keep your distance as hosts than it would be as mere guests, but at least you always have the excuse of needing to check on the grill/cooler/new arrivals if you need to quickly escape her conversation. And, of course, if she or her husband try to drag up your mortal blue sin again, you can generically and cheerfully change the subject, excuse yourself, and make a mental note to disinvite these cranks from all future barbecues, cookouts, get-togethers, clambakes, and/or hootenannies. Do not apologize again, and do not entertain their future complaints. And, for your own sanity, mute or unfriend them on Facebook. Let all future rants about dress codes pass by you as th’idle wind, which you respect not.

 

Comments

[kaberett]

... at the punt at which the bride has said "she's not invited" uninviting her to an event *in your own home* is surely acceptable?

[ayebydan]

My thoughts exactly

[ayebydan]

The pair of them are ridiculous individuals and I wouldn't just avoid them at my own house I'd call them on their bullshit. Tell them to be upset if they wish, it is utterly childish to behave in such a way. It is not like the lady in question turned up dressed in white.

[minoanmiss]

Is there something about weddings that violently disconnects people from reality? Sheesharoni.

[cereta]

Again, I really, really live for the day when the stranglehold the weeding industry has on women that someone turns them into toddlers on their wedding days is pried off.

[cereta]

Well, my theory, voiced before, is that the wedding industry, for obvious reasons, has spent decades convincing brides that (a) everything about the wedding mu prioritize them and only them; no one else's feelings or convenience matters in the slightest, and (b)that their wedding is THE most important day of their lives. Combine these two, and brides become horrifically self-centered, and grooms develop their own set of neuroses.

[lunabee34]

I agree. At this point, I would tell this woman that she's surely too upset to attend an event at the "offender's" home and can just skip the event entirely to recover. And then never invite her to anything else ever again.

[delight]

Yeah, I immediately was like ... maybe this is a rich people thing and I don't get rich people, but WHY ARE THEY COMING TO YOUR HOUSE IF THEY'RE ASSHOLES TO YOU.

[ellen_fremedon]

If for whatever reason I couldn't disinvite her from my barbeque, I would be so tempted to double down on the blue. Blue dress. Blue napkins. Blue tablecloths. Blue streamers. Blue balloons. Blue cake. Blue punch.

[tielan]

I don't understand why they're inviting this couple over, but if they absolutely have to (politeness sake), then I'd work out a counter-attack. Don't apologise, don't coddle the woman, make a laugh of it - it was nothing, and she's blowing it out of proportion. Along the lines of, "Oh, it was such a silly situation: I'd come along to the wedding and nobody had mentioned that the bridal party had an exclusive on the colour blue for the day. I covered up with a sweater, but it's an unfortunate mistake." Basically, if she's going to belabour the point, I'm going to make her look like a fool for carrying on about it.

[tielan]

Oh, I LIKE this response.

*evils*