![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
My mother-in-law, “Hannah,” is a retired pediatrician, and self-appointed captain of our kids’ health care. Whenever we take our kids to the doctor, we have to have a post-visit debrief with Hannah, who demands every detail before offering her own (unsolicited) advice. Often, her advice contradicts the pediatrician’s recommendations, and she will get upset when we take the doctor’s side over hers.
My husband, “Tom,” says it’s better to humor her and pay lip-service to following her recommendations. I get that it’s his mom, but I’m the one fielding the questions! (Tom does what he can, but I’m usually the one taking them to the doctor and talking to her after.) I’m just sick and tired of dealing with this.
—Enough
Dear Enough,
I know this has to be annoying, but you should try not to take it too seriously. As grandparents watch their children raise children, sometimes they struggle to figure out their place. They think about the choices they would make ,and sometimes they can’t resist weighing in, even when they haven’t been asked.
Because this is your mother-in-law’s area of expertise, it’s not surprising that she feels compelled to share her knowledge. That doesn’t excuse her tendency to get upset when you don’t heed her advice, but try and think about where she’s coming from. That said, I would encourage you to very firmly tell her, “I really appreciate your advice, but I’m confident with the guidance our doctor has provided.” Say this each time she attempts to engage about the topic. No attitude, no annoyance, just a clear, “Thanks, but no thanks.” I’d suggest having your husband say something her, but I suspect that he wouldn’t be willing to do that.
Hopefully, over time, she’ll get the message but if she doesn’t, just let the woman rant and do your grocery list in your head while she talks
Link
My husband, “Tom,” says it’s better to humor her and pay lip-service to following her recommendations. I get that it’s his mom, but I’m the one fielding the questions! (Tom does what he can, but I’m usually the one taking them to the doctor and talking to her after.) I’m just sick and tired of dealing with this.
—Enough
Dear Enough,
I know this has to be annoying, but you should try not to take it too seriously. As grandparents watch their children raise children, sometimes they struggle to figure out their place. They think about the choices they would make ,and sometimes they can’t resist weighing in, even when they haven’t been asked.
Because this is your mother-in-law’s area of expertise, it’s not surprising that she feels compelled to share her knowledge. That doesn’t excuse her tendency to get upset when you don’t heed her advice, but try and think about where she’s coming from. That said, I would encourage you to very firmly tell her, “I really appreciate your advice, but I’m confident with the guidance our doctor has provided.” Say this each time she attempts to engage about the topic. No attitude, no annoyance, just a clear, “Thanks, but no thanks.” I’d suggest having your husband say something her, but I suspect that he wouldn’t be willing to do that.
Hopefully, over time, she’ll get the message but if she doesn’t, just let the woman rant and do your grocery list in your head while she talks
Link