One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received was, “Pay attention to the small stuff. If they can’t trust you with the small stuff now, they won’t trust you with the big stuff later.”
I’m more of a “teenager person” than a “little kid person”, and kids under 4 might as well be radioactive in terms of how little I want to spend time around them. But I still know how to put on an interested face and add an occasional “oh wow” or “and then what happened?” when they’re talking, because 1) that is basic politeness, and 2) if I ignore them now when all their stuff is tedious small stuff, they’ll ignore me later when we could actually have interesting discussions.
If LW’s mom was capable of smiling and nodding through an adult conversation at a dinner party that bored her, she could have done so for the grands. One can find a long-standing excuse to get out of the recitals and sporting events - “I find my muscles get painful sitting for that long, but please do let me know how it goes, I can’t wait to hear about it!” and then write a supportive sentence - “That looked like an amazing game, I hope you’re proud of yourself!” afterward. That’s literally all it takes with young kids. They aren’t expecting an epic poem or a ten-minute speech in their honor. It takes so little to make them feel cared about. If someone doesn’t even care to do that tiny effort, that goes beyond just “not being a kid person”.
Anyway Grandma did this to herself. She can rest in the shitty bed she made because she wasn’t willing to make the smallest effort to brush a hand over the bed and sweep crumbs away.
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I’m more of a “teenager person” than a “little kid person”, and kids under 4 might as well be radioactive in terms of how little I want to spend time around them. But I still know how to put on an interested face and add an occasional “oh wow” or “and then what happened?” when they’re talking, because 1) that is basic politeness, and 2) if I ignore them now when all their stuff is tedious small stuff, they’ll ignore me later when we could actually have interesting discussions.
If LW’s mom was capable of smiling and nodding through an adult conversation at a dinner party that bored her, she could have done so for the grands. One can find a long-standing excuse to get out of the recitals and sporting events - “I find my muscles get painful sitting for that long, but please do let me know how it goes, I can’t wait to hear about it!” and then write a supportive sentence - “That looked like an amazing game, I hope you’re proud of yourself!” afterward. That’s literally all it takes with young kids. They aren’t expecting an epic poem or a ten-minute speech in their honor. It takes so little to make them feel cared about. If someone doesn’t even care to do that tiny effort, that goes beyond just “not being a kid person”.
Anyway Grandma did this to herself. She can rest in the shitty bed she made because she wasn’t willing to make the smallest effort to brush a hand over the bed and sweep crumbs away.