My anecdotal impression is that almost all caregivers lose sight of a toddler at least once. And some kids are just escape artists and will find their way out of a safe situation multiple times. It's terrifying, and with good reason because it genuinely can happen that the absconding kid gets hit by a car or drowns. (They almost never get "kidnapped" though, that's not the situation where child abduction happens.) It doesn't mean the caregivers are negligent.
But the way both LW and Justin are reacting raises red flags for me. It's absolutely understandable to be scared that your 2yo ended up in the street. It's not ok to handle that fear by "never trusting him with our kids again". And Justin definitely needs to do more than a token apology and whining that his wife is being "unfair" over an "honest mistake". If the toddler complained it was unfair when he got in trouble for wandering into the street, that's age-appropriate. But an adult should take responsibility for his actions and should also acknowledge his wife's emotions.
They're not acting like a team. A father doesn't "watch" his own kids. I do agree that parking a 2yo in a chair unattended at a bbq isn't a safe strategy, but it worries me that instead of discussing better approaches, LW has gone straight to, husband can never be trusted with the children again. This is how we end up with a situation where women do basically all the work of parenting, because if a male caregiver makes a small mistake, he isn't allowed to learn and do better next time, he's just cut out of responsibility. Assuming these people live together with the kids, their dad should know that his 2yo isn't going to sit still for several minutes without supervision.
I can't tell if Justin has in fact checked out of parenting from the beginning, and this is just the last straw, or if LW has cut him out of being an equal co-parent because of sexism, or if everything was in fact fine up to now and he's just made a one-off error and she's panicked.
(Rereading this I notice we don't actually know for sure that LW is female. But even if we're talking about two dads here, they still need to be partners to each other rather than one of them taking all the responsibility and the other being cut out.)
no subject
But the way both LW and Justin are reacting raises red flags for me. It's absolutely understandable to be scared that your 2yo ended up in the street. It's not ok to handle that fear by "never trusting him with our kids again". And Justin definitely needs to do more than a token apology and whining that his wife is being "unfair" over an "honest mistake". If the toddler complained it was unfair when he got in trouble for wandering into the street, that's age-appropriate. But an adult should take responsibility for his actions and should also acknowledge his wife's emotions.
They're not acting like a team. A father doesn't "watch" his own kids. I do agree that parking a 2yo in a chair unattended at a bbq isn't a safe strategy, but it worries me that instead of discussing better approaches, LW has gone straight to, husband can never be trusted with the children again. This is how we end up with a situation where women do basically all the work of parenting, because if a male caregiver makes a small mistake, he isn't allowed to learn and do better next time, he's just cut out of responsibility. Assuming these people live together with the kids, their dad should know that his 2yo isn't going to sit still for several minutes without supervision.
I can't tell if Justin has in fact checked out of parenting from the beginning, and this is just the last straw, or if LW has cut him out of being an equal co-parent because of sexism, or if everything was in fact fine up to now and he's just made a one-off error and she's panicked.
(Rereading this I notice we don't actually know for sure that LW is female. But even if we're talking about two dads here, they still need to be partners to each other rather than one of them taking all the responsibility and the other being cut out.)