Oh, I totally asked, too! I was the main driver for playing board games in my household when I was a kid. I also had that sense of panic LW described when I started to lose. The main problem was two things together:
- In my household, quitting was bad. ("Try again! Don't give up!") - My slot in the family was the over-achiever, so losing hurt my sense of identity.
Neither of these were things I understood at nine, though. I just knew I had to keep doing it until I got it right. If you asked me directly, I would have lied through my teeth and said I was having fun because I didn't really feel like I had any other choice.
What helped was watching my adult friends model different behaviors. If someone isn't having fun, we can declare the game over and move on. We can talk about not having fun with games as a personal preference and not a moral failing (ie, "I don't like games" rather than "I'm a sore loser"). Games could be interrupted in the middle for conversation, which showed they were less important than being together. I could just give up, and that was okay.
I'm probably sympathizing too hard with the kid in this letter, but the idea that someone would look at their panicking kid and think "they just need to experience this more" drives me crazy.
no subject
- In my household, quitting was bad. ("Try again! Don't give up!")
- My slot in the family was the over-achiever, so losing hurt my sense of identity.
Neither of these were things I understood at nine, though. I just knew I had to keep doing it until I got it right. If you asked me directly, I would have lied through my teeth and said I was having fun because I didn't really feel like I had any other choice.
What helped was watching my adult friends model different behaviors. If someone isn't having fun, we can declare the game over and move on. We can talk about not having fun with games as a personal preference and not a moral failing (ie, "I don't like games" rather than "I'm a sore loser"). Games could be interrupted in the middle for conversation, which showed they were less important than being together. I could just give up, and that was okay.
I'm probably sympathizing too hard with the kid in this letter, but the idea that someone would look at their panicking kid and think "they just need to experience this more" drives me crazy.