Well, let's give credit where it's due. LW has not done the worst thing, which many people do automatically - she hasn't turned around and immediately minimized what they were saying.

However, LW didn't do the good thing either, which would have been to say, years ago, "Dude, you suffer from emotional dysregulation and you need to get that treated with therapy, medication, and/or anger management classes. Your behavior is abusive and it can't continue".

LW needs to get individual therapy now, and so do the children. And hopefully, LW has the standing to say - without telling Dad that the kids think he's abusive - that he needs to get therapy himself and whatever help he needs.