Q. Re: Fragrance sensitivity: As someone who suffers from migraines (mild ones, thankfully), I think the letter writer needs a serious change of attitude or a different girlfriend. First of all, migraines are horrible, difficult to diagnose, inconvenient, and often embarrassing (largely because a lot of people like the letter writer are out there saying “it’s all in your head” as if it’s a fun way to get attention to curl up in a ball in the dark because you encountered a sudden trigger). This is particularly true for women, who are the majority of migraine sufferers and who are used to having their pain dismissed by friends, family, and medical personnel.

I also think the letter writer needs to interrogate why “she’s clearly a hypochondriac who was making it all up for attention” was their first thought in this scenario. It seems obvious to me that if she can’t smell the air freshener, it can’t trigger a migraine. I wouldn’t want to date someone who had as low an opinion of me as the letter writer seems to have of Kara.

A: I agree that “My God, she must have been faking it the whole time; I could never have children with her” is such an overblown response to Kara’s brief respite from migraines (after having gotten COVID!) that I’m inclined to suspect the letter writer was looking for reasons to downplay or dismiss her migraines. If the letter writer is at all inclined to do some reflecting first, it might be worthwhile to read up on migraines and that history of sexist dismissal you mention here—not so the letter writer can say, “My God, I’m a monster, I hate myself,” but so they can hopefully contextualize some of their attitudes and assumptions about migraines and do their best to shed some of them. Even if you two don’t stay together, you can at least break up respectfully.