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Wow, this dude....
Dear Care and Feeding,
I had a marriage with my first wife that was cold, sexually unfulfilling, and controlling for years. I discreetly found a woman outside our marriage who was interested in ways my ex wasn’t. When my ex found out, she told our kids and created a messy divorce. My girlfriend got unexpectedly pregnant, and I had to move out of state for her and adjust custody. I saw my kids for holidays and vacations but my ex badmouthed me to them all the time and encouraged them to be bratty and badly behaved when they visited. They never were kind to my girlfriend and never gave her any flexibility about adjusting to becoming a stepmom. I always believed it would get better when they became adults, recognized my ex’s toxic behavior, and understood that adults have sexual needs. This fall, my younger daughter had my first grandchild. I planned to visit at Christmas, but she has announced she’s inviting her mom and sister, that I have to pick a different day, and that my son and girlfriend are not welcome. This is my first grandchild and I haven’t even met him yet. How do I talk her out of this?
—Grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
I don’t want to negate the possibility that your ex-wife was a stone-cold bitch towards you during your marriage, but I’d like you to consider the situation from your daughter’s perspective: You entered a relationship outside of your marriage to her mother, which led you to divorce. You then moved out of state to take care of your new child, only seeing your first set of kids for holidays and vacations. Sir, you should be grateful that your daughter talks to you at all. You take virtually no responsibility for the demise of your marriage, blaming your ex for making it messy, boasting about your discretion and wanting your children to understand your sexual needs. You chose to cheat instead of asking your wife for a divorce in the first place, and again, you moved away from your kids! You expect your children to understand that? Give me a break! It’s unfortunate that they never accepted your girlfriend, but it’s not hard to fathom, considering that you cheated on their mother with this woman. What’s sadder is that your daughter doesn’t seem to have much of a relationship with your other child, but that’s also not surprising, considering that you moved away from her to raise him. Ask your daughter when is the best time to visit, bring a good gift, and be happy that you were even allowed to come.
Link
I had a marriage with my first wife that was cold, sexually unfulfilling, and controlling for years. I discreetly found a woman outside our marriage who was interested in ways my ex wasn’t. When my ex found out, she told our kids and created a messy divorce. My girlfriend got unexpectedly pregnant, and I had to move out of state for her and adjust custody. I saw my kids for holidays and vacations but my ex badmouthed me to them all the time and encouraged them to be bratty and badly behaved when they visited. They never were kind to my girlfriend and never gave her any flexibility about adjusting to becoming a stepmom. I always believed it would get better when they became adults, recognized my ex’s toxic behavior, and understood that adults have sexual needs. This fall, my younger daughter had my first grandchild. I planned to visit at Christmas, but she has announced she’s inviting her mom and sister, that I have to pick a different day, and that my son and girlfriend are not welcome. This is my first grandchild and I haven’t even met him yet. How do I talk her out of this?
—Grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
I don’t want to negate the possibility that your ex-wife was a stone-cold bitch towards you during your marriage, but I’d like you to consider the situation from your daughter’s perspective: You entered a relationship outside of your marriage to her mother, which led you to divorce. You then moved out of state to take care of your new child, only seeing your first set of kids for holidays and vacations. Sir, you should be grateful that your daughter talks to you at all. You take virtually no responsibility for the demise of your marriage, blaming your ex for making it messy, boasting about your discretion and wanting your children to understand your sexual needs. You chose to cheat instead of asking your wife for a divorce in the first place, and again, you moved away from your kids! You expect your children to understand that? Give me a break! It’s unfortunate that they never accepted your girlfriend, but it’s not hard to fathom, considering that you cheated on their mother with this woman. What’s sadder is that your daughter doesn’t seem to have much of a relationship with your other child, but that’s also not surprising, considering that you moved away from her to raise him. Ask your daughter when is the best time to visit, bring a good gift, and be happy that you were even allowed to come.
Link