I am invested in the lives of one of my neighbors because they’ve made themselves the very, very public neighborhood sideshow, but I’m invested like one becomes invested in a possible performance art piece: wondering if this is actually for real or maybe they have a kink for humiliating themselves in public, and with zero desire to get involved myself or be any closer to their outbursts. So when we hear yet another fight and drift to the windows to see what’s got two middle-aged people so riled this time, I certainly understand the morbid curiosity that can arise for the lives of neighbors.

But intervening? Stepping in? Trying to fix their problems? Oh hell no. All we want is for them to move away and never wake us up with screaming at 2 AM again.