I had a pregnancy where I was sick the whole way through but excited about being pregnant, and then a pregnancy where I was sick the whole way through and dysphoric about my pregnant body. Accidentally catching sight of myself in a mirror was like getting hit with ice water. I tried to look down as little as possible. It was a hell I couldn’t escape from for months and months, and it was a very bad time.
LW, I agree that the adoption industry is incredibly predatory, including when you go into it with your eyes open. I couldn’t do it myself with what I know about it. But going through a pregnancy when you already feel this bad about it is going to cause trauma that may or may not end when you give birth. If you decide it’s worth it to you to suffer for what will hopefully only be nine months, then do it, but be aware that it might not only be nine months. The trauma may last for years or longer afterward, and there’s no guarantee that your suffering will result in a child; 25-40% folks experience miscarriage, so you might deal with all the difficulty for a couple months or longer and then be right back where you started. There are no easy paths forward here.
no subject
LW, I agree that the adoption industry is incredibly predatory, including when you go into it with your eyes open. I couldn’t do it myself with what I know about it. But going through a pregnancy when you already feel this bad about it is going to cause trauma that may or may not end when you give birth. If you decide it’s worth it to you to suffer for what will hopefully only be nine months, then do it, but be aware that it might not only be nine months. The trauma may last for years or longer afterward, and there’s no guarantee that your suffering will result in a child; 25-40% folks experience miscarriage, so you might deal with all the difficulty for a couple months or longer and then be right back where you started. There are no easy paths forward here.