The 'choose to believe' in the second letter made me see red. My mom has never gone to a therapist despite me asking her to, but she has (probably to her own detriment) finally learned to be less catastrophic in my vicinity, and hold it together when she knows I need her to. And I still panic when I hear her say 'No' in a very specific tone -- usually she'll have dropped a glass or something, but it sounds like something exploded or she found one of our cats dead. It's a sinking feeling. Knowing that your kids experience that, why would you CHOOSE TO LET them keep feeling that way.