redbird: closeup of me drinking tea, in a friend's kitchen (Default)
Redbird ([personal profile] redbird) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt 2023-03-21 07:16 pm (UTC)

Nowhere in there is any suggestion that the LW should prioritize her own health and feelings above those of her grandmother.

The columnist acknowledges that "I know it sucks" and then spends several paragraphs telling the LW to give her grandmother another chance to hurt her. LW says she has been trying to set boundaries, and signs the letter "vacation anxiety." That's someone who is clearly looking for either help setting boundaries; for someone to tell her it's OK not to go on the trip; or maybe advice on other ways to reduce her anxiety. "Stop being anxious" isn't useful advice, ever, and maybe especially.not to someone who is explicitly asking for help in doing exactly that.

Instead, the columnist jumps to giving the LW only bad two choices, namely "go and try to avoid the topic while on vacation, and then back off" and "go, and decide not to let it hurt." Maybe it's the grandmother's turn to "decide not to get upset" when her grandchild asks her to change something. I know, the grandmother didn't write in for help, but the asymmetry is telling.

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