Somettimes when I try to conceptualize how I or someone else is thinking about something I think about "top down", starting from the rational outer layers of one's mind, vs, "bottom up," starting from the deep emotional layers.
LW's husband has been deeply hurt somewhere in his deep emotional layers. LW's viewing this as top-down racism -- why would he pick this group to make bigoted statements about when he's not bigoted against other groups? -- but I think she's not seeing that this is self-loathing he's expressing. Or at least that's what I think is going on with him, in my vast wisdom, ahahaha.
Sometimes we need to reality check the people we love and sometimes we need to comfort them as they wrestle with their demons. I think that in this case LW should do more of the latter than the former with her husband.
But, I wonder at myself, would this be my judgement if it were being part Black he's so virulently ashamed of?
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LW's husband has been deeply hurt somewhere in his deep emotional layers. LW's viewing this as top-down racism -- why would he pick this group to make bigoted statements about when he's not bigoted against other groups? -- but I think she's not seeing that this is self-loathing he's expressing. Or at least that's what I think is going on with him, in my vast wisdom, ahahaha.
Sometimes we need to reality check the people we love and sometimes we need to comfort them as they wrestle with their demons. I think that in this case LW should do more of the latter than the former with her husband.
But, I wonder at myself, would this be my judgement if it were being part Black he's so virulently ashamed of?