things I wish Carolyn would have addressed (but way behind the stuff she did address!) is 1) the way the LW ascribes all this to the daughter-in-law and 2) gets mad about having a lane to stay in.

You SHOULD stay in the lane assigned to you by the parents of a child, LW! They are the people who get to decide what lane you are in! This goes for your grandchild and also for any other children in your life: if you are not their parent and/or legal guardian, you have a lane and should stay in it.