agonyaunt | Two Columnists, One Day, One Question: Naked Hot Tubbing

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Two Columnists, One Day, One Question: Naked Hot Tubbing

Interestingly, while this is obviously the same question, it appears to have been lightly edited in two different ways in the two papers.

Social Q's: "When a Fig Leaf Is an Olive Branch"

Our outdoor hot tub will be delivered soon. My husband and I intend to use it during daylight and without wearing swimsuits. Yes, nude! We have neighbors who live 40 feet away and will be able to see us, if they choose to, while we walk 20 feet from our patio to the hot tub. We do not intend to cover up. We have some non-neighbor friends who are appalled by this. You?

E.H.

Why do I get the impression that you want me to be scandalized? (Never mind.) In the United States, it is generally illegal to be naked in public, including when you are on your own property and others, especially children, are likely to see you. Laws vary by town and state.

But why create potential awkwardness? You need to bring towels to the hot tub with you to dry off anyway. Wrap them around yourselves while you walk to the tub, and then let them fall dramatically to the ground as you slip into the steamy water. Decency (mostly) preserved!

Ask Amy: "We want to be naked in our hot tub. Is that rude to neighbors?"

Dear Amy: My husband and I are having a hot tub delivered soon. We plan to use it during daylight hours without wearing swimwear. Yes, nude! Yes, we have neighbors, about 40 feet away, who could see us if they choose to — in the tub or hopping from our patio door 20 feet to the tub.

We’re not shy and don’t plan to cover up. And no, we’re not going to “exhibit” ourselves. We just want to enjoy our tub in our birthday suits. Some non-neighbor friends are appalled.
Your thoughts?

— Bare as God Intended, EH

Bare: You will be romping only on your own property, and I can’t imagine that your nudity would be breaking any laws (you should check your local statutes).

However, are you perhaps reveling in the prospect of alarming your neighbors? Just a little bit? And yes — of course — despite what you claim, you do seem to be planning to “exhibit” yourselves. It would be easy for you to drape a towel around yourselves for that 20-foot journey from your house to the hot tub (don’t you need a towel, anyway?).

You might have neighbors who would choose to pull their shades, build a tall (or taller) fence, or simply stop using their own backyard — or you might have neighbors who would welcome your hot tubbing by training binoculars in your direction or photographing you from their property and posting photos or video on social media.

It is something of a tricky legal issue, but if neighbors can freely see you from their own property without peering through a window or a fence, your own right to privacy is less assured.

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Let this be a lesson to everyone: Don't rely on legal information from advice columnists.

Actual advice for the letter writer:

Don't be such assholes, y'all. Enclose your hot tub in some sort of privacy fence or pavilion or whatever and wear a robe on your way out to it. You live in a society and there's no good reason to deliberately antagonize people by being deliberate edgelords.

My bet is that they've both been edited – the original letter was ungrammatical, or had other issues, and was changed by both columnists, but in slightly different ways.

Agreed. If you don't want to have neighbors, don't live in a neighborhood! Since you DO live in a neighborhood, you can do the bare minimum to fit community norms.

Sigh. Trolls never grow up, do they?

The only reason for not wrapping a towel around your bits is because you want a reaction. Either you're gym rats or some other kind of, "I must show my awesome body; worship me, weaklings," or you enjoy making people uncomfortable. Neither of these things is nearly as impressive as you think it is.

“bare” minimum, ha

LW, this is kink. I'm not sure that you know this is kink. That doesn't change your exhibitionism kink into something else. The first rule of kink is to get consent from all parties. In this case that means exposing yourselves to your neighbors if the neighbors don't want to see is violating consent. Either get consent from the neighbors ahead of time or don't do it.

Many states have requirements for fences around pools, spas, and hot tubs, as they are considered to be putting small children at hazard if easy to access. This does not mean the owners must wear clothes on their way to and from them, but in this case if the owners' exhibitionism is the point, they may be disappointed if code specs are for an 8-foot fence.

Although tall tough-glass fences often meet the legal requirements for pool fencing...

I think LW should buy some bathrobes made of towel fabric and wear them while walking to the hot tub, and also put a chair next to the hot tub that they can drape the bathrobes over to keep them nearby but also dry

Yup, this ^^^

Where I live there's no requirement that the fence around a swimming pool (and it specifically says that immovable spas fall under "swimming pool") be opaque. Chain link is mentioned as one possibility. (I think it might also be the case that if it has a secure locking cover you don't need a fence.) It's also not generally illegal to be naked in public in my city, but if it's determined “that such conduct is likely to cause reasonable affront or alarm,” one's behavior may fall under indecent exposure. I agree it wouldn't kill them to wear towels or terrycloth bathrobes, and I suspect that my city has unusually liberal laws (they're a lot more so than when I was growing up).

I'd love to see the nudity taboo overturned (I am so sick of missing parcel deliveries and having to get someone to go to the post office for me because in the 1 minute it took me to put on a robe, the postie/courier drove off)

What I'm stuck on is that they apparently haven't even realized there IS a legal issue, or else they think these columnists are qualified legal advisors. Either way, yikes.

I think THESE LWs are jerks, and are behaving poorly (put on a dang robe to walk from the deck to the hot tub!), but I'm very against nonsexual nudity laws, and I'd LOVE to have a pool and hot tub where I could swim nude (way, way more comfortable than wearing a swimsuit, especially since I have H-cup boobs.)

Just wanting to skinny-dip isn't a kink.

These people, however, seem to want to get a "shocked" reaction, so I'm side-eyeing them hard, and agree with you that THEY may be indulging in an exhibitionism kink of some kind.

It's kink because they want to shock the neighbors, not because they want to hot tub nude. My grandparents had a clothing optional hot tub they used regularly. They also talked to the neighbors who could see into their yard.

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