My ex is a very charming narcissist. One of my adult kids did not talk to me for two years post divorce because she believed her dads version of events. I refused and continue in general to refuse to discuss the intimate details of our marriage with my kids - it is too heavy a burden for children to have as they negotiate and understand their own relationships with each parent. I answered facts only - no he was not paying child support as he said, no I had not forbidden him to talk to so-and-so, and eventually she went wait what, and started repairing her relationship with me. The whole time she was still living with me by choice, so I knew deep down she felt I was safer. We are very close now.

The letter is too short of details to know for sure, but it is possible for a charming smart narcissist to alienate adult children. They will have convincing answers for everything. I am grateful to the people who told me to keep honourable although I do wish I’d spoken up more outside the house to our friends - he got almost all of them who chose to believe him and never asked me. Still, I ended up with my kids and people I trust and love.