But your explanation should be about the wrangling of the kids and the exhausting drive, not what they’ve chosen to do with their bank accounts.

LW's letter wasn't about their bank accounts! LW's letter is about the fact that the parents who "lost interest" in the children by the time they entered school are just not people she wants to spend time with, and she used the total lack of financial support - even for things our society expects parents to help out with, like college tuition - as a clear example, one which is both more direct and also probably less painful than all the stuff that happened before college.

And you know what? Unless the parents are unable to travel, they can make the four hour drive to see the grandkids. They choose not to do that, just like they chose not to help their children as young adults. And that's fine, that's their right! If these are their priorities, and it seems that they are, then they're making the right choice with the retirement facility and all that. But LW is right - they're blaming her for something they could at least meet her halfway on.