Isn't sexual abuse usually about power, not sexual desire?
In my experience it's a varyingly ratioed combination.
Also, in my experience, BDSM is as orthoganal to sexual abuse as is 'vanilla' sex. I want to say even more so, due to the necessity of discussing one's desires in detail, but that might just be the culture of the BDSM practitioners I have been fortunate enough to know.
Now, the LW's first duty is to her child, but I think she really needs to consider if she has actual reason to be suspicious (such as the circumstnces of the seeming hasty dressing). I don't think an interest, professional or otherwise, in BDSM is actually a relevant indicator of one's likelihood of being a sexual abuser.
And if I were her sister, well.... here's my particular monkey in this circus: if anyone decided that due to my past interest in BDSM (or history of enduring sexual assault) I was at all likely to be sexually abusing my little roommates, I suppose at best I would try to thank them for their concern about little roomamtes' welfare before informing them that I would never talk to them again in this life or the next.
ETA: After taking a breath, I thought I needed to add some context beyond my provisional sympathy for LW's sister. I think LW may have brought up her sister's dominatrix past as an expression of a very prevalent idea, the particular suspicion of anyone whose sex life includes anything not heterosexual, monogamnous, and vanilla. It's the "anything not within these paricualr boundaries is deviance, and anyone who'll be deviant in one dway will necessarily be deviant in any and all ways." It's a cliche that ho,ophobes accuse glbtq people of pedophilia, but/and that's because it's such a common accusation. When I worked in a school my boyfriend worried that my writing erotic fanfic would get me fired because when *he* was in school the best chemistry teacher was seen walking out of a porn theater and was then fired.
Which is why... concern over whether someone is sexually abusing a child due to their having had an unorthodox sex life in other ways is not necessarily simply an individual case where the worry must have arisen from a legitimate cause. I think LW needs to make sure her worry is not influenced by this idea in order to be able to talk to her son in as non-leading a manner as possible, to find the actual truth and not one a stereotype might be leading her to fear.
no subject
In my experience it's a varyingly ratioed combination.
Also, in my experience, BDSM is as orthoganal to sexual abuse as is 'vanilla' sex. I want to say even more so, due to the necessity of discussing one's desires in detail, but that might just be the culture of the BDSM practitioners I have been fortunate enough to know.
Now, the LW's first duty is to her child, but I think she really needs to consider if she has actual reason to be suspicious (such as the circumstnces of the seeming hasty dressing). I don't think an interest, professional or otherwise, in BDSM is actually a relevant indicator of one's likelihood of being a sexual abuser.
And if I were her sister, well.... here's my particular monkey in this circus: if anyone decided that due to my past interest in BDSM (or history of enduring sexual assault) I was at all likely to be sexually abusing my little roommates, I suppose at best I would try to thank them for their concern about little roomamtes' welfare before informing them that I would never talk to them again in this life or the next.
ETA: After taking a breath, I thought I needed to add some context beyond my provisional sympathy for LW's sister. I think LW may have brought up her sister's dominatrix past as an expression of a very prevalent idea, the particular suspicion of anyone whose sex life includes anything not heterosexual, monogamnous, and vanilla. It's the "anything not within these paricualr boundaries is deviance, and anyone who'll be deviant in one dway will necessarily be deviant in any and all ways." It's a cliche that ho,ophobes accuse glbtq people of pedophilia, but/and that's because it's such a common accusation. When I worked in a school my boyfriend worried that my writing erotic fanfic would get me fired because when *he* was in school the best chemistry teacher was seen walking out of a porn theater and was then fired.
Which is why... concern over whether someone is sexually abusing a child due to their having had an unorthodox sex life in other ways is not necessarily simply an individual case where the worry must have arisen from a legitimate cause. I think LW needs to make sure her worry is not influenced by this idea in order to be able to talk to her son in as non-leading a manner as possible, to find the actual truth and not one a stereotype might be leading her to fear.