agonyaunt | (no subject)

(no subject)

Home Alone 13

We just learned that our 13-year-old son has to go back to school a week early for soccer camp. I think he’s responsible enough to stay in our apartment alone for the week, while the rest of the family stays at my parents’ beach house. My wife adamantly disagrees. You?

SOCCER DAD

I (adamantly) agree with your wife. I love the beach as much as the next person, but so many things could go wrong in a week that even a mature 13-year-old would be ill-equipped to handle. Don’t put him in that position. Does he have a friend on the team he could stay with for a few days? He may be up for that — your wife, too.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/24/style/why-are-my-sons-new-wife-and-baby-living-at-her-parents-house.html

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Story time!

Way back when I was 13, my entire family went to visit my grandparents, newly relocated to California.

And apparently my grandmother decided to be a massive bitch the whole time. I don't remember her sniping at me like my mother says she did, but the whole visit ended in a big fight. I did not get punished for what happened, and I think if the backstory had been different I would have merited it, but no details.

What I don't remember, but my mother does is that my grandmother, for whatever reason, spent most of the visit complaining that I could've been left home alone for the two week vacation. And she kept on complaining until my cousin Frances, who was also visiting, flat out told her, as a social worker, that if she heard a 13 year old girl was home alone for multiple days she would have to call it in.

This was in 1996, so not exactly the height of overprotective helicopter parenting.

So, no. You cannot leave your barely-high-school child alone for seven days just because you'd rather not cut your vacation short a little. It's not like Mom and Dad didn't know when soccer camp started. Next time, plan better!

Let the 13-year-old stay home alone for a couple of hours (after making sure that he has the numbers of responsible adults and knows how to call them, as well as how to call 911 and what would constitute a real emergency*) while the parents go do something locally, sure. A week? Nope.

And thank you, advice columnist, for not suggesting that wife cut short her vacation to stay home with son.

* Which reminds me that I need to give Middle and Youngest the refresher talk on 911; it's been a couple years since I went over that with them.

To me it read like the date for the soccer camp changed unexpectedly. That still doesn't change the fact that a 13-year-old should never be left on his own for a week.

my aunt thought similar, with slightly older sons she left them home alone to vacation. she got a burned down kitchen. (no injury to anyone, chip pan fire) a few hours before a few weeks... build up to it

I'm really glad the advice giver suggested boarding him with the family of another kid in the program. Practical advice!

Aside from the dubious legality and the questionable wisdom of leaving a thirteen year old alone for a week, there's the, I don't know, complete self centeredness of "oh sure, we can go dallying around the beach vacation home while our kid has, like, chores to do and places he's required to be." That sounds like a fun trade that I'm sure won't come back to bite you at a future date. (I mean, sure, maybe he wouldn't like to do all the things the adults would do, but, yanno, part of having a kid is planning your vacations around things the entire family enjoys.)

Well, if the date for soccer camp changed unexpectedly then you decide either to call them up and say "Oh, no, we unexpectedly can't do this!" or you suck it up and go home as a family.

A mature 16-year-old for a couple of days? Sure, why not.
(I lobbied hard when I was 16to not to be dragged on short parental trips when I didn't want to go with)

A 13-year old for a week??? WTAF

I vividly remember an afternoon when I was probably around sixteen and my brother was around twelve or thirteen. We were horsing around and he fell into the end table and put a pretty good gash in his head. But he was up and functional, so it didn't seem that bad to us. When my parents got home a couple hours later my mom was horrified we didn't call her because she was pretty sure it needed medical attention. Looking back, we were super lucky it didn't turn out more serious. Things can happen so, so fast. I can't imagine being out of touch enough with the mortality of a child that you'd want to leave your son alone for a whole week at an age when kids routinely invent 'how to die today' games.

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