Also, it sounds like the soft "no" may have worked! He sent one text, the wife gave him the soft 'no', and it sounds like that might have been the end of it.

The man in question is definitely over the line (at least for my culture) but it seems like he accepted the no! We hear about the cases where the soft 'no' doesn't work and things go very bad, but the reason women are socialized to it is that it often *does* work.

LW by responding you've just opened up the lines of communication again (and you may have even gotten your wife thinking about how this other man knows how to take 'no' for an answer and you... apparently don't.) You've shot yourself in the foot.