So, my mother died of cancer when I was 21, and I actually did take custody of my younger brother. At the time, I did feel morally obligated, because he didn't have anywhere else to go. (Our dad was alive, but we had minimal contact with him and he specifically told me that he did not want to take my brother in.) The situation isn't exactly the same--my brother was a teenager, not a little kid--but I don't think I would have felt able to choose differently even if he'd been as young as Rue was. If my brother had gone into foster care I wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt.
I guess I've never considered whether people think what I did was obligatory or if they would have perceived me negatively if I'd made another choice. I've only ever thought about it from the inside. Would I distrust someone who'd allowed their sibling to go into foster care? Not necessarily. It's a shitty situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and I can understand facing that and feeling scared and overwhelmed, or seeing yourself as so unprepared and incapable that you conclude your sibling might be better off in foster care. Sometimes in life you have to make hard choices you never anticipated, and you might not handle them perfectly but maybe it was the best you could do at the time.
But LW is making it sound as though Rowan didn't find the choice hard and doesn't even think about whether what she did was right even in retrospect, which would make me raise an eyebrow if it's true because it makes it sound like she just doesn't care how her choices impacted Rue at all. It's possible to make a tough call and still have empathy for people who were affected by the consequences.
no subject
I guess I've never considered whether people think what I did was obligatory or if they would have perceived me negatively if I'd made another choice. I've only ever thought about it from the inside. Would I distrust someone who'd allowed their sibling to go into foster care? Not necessarily. It's a shitty situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone, and I can understand facing that and feeling scared and overwhelmed, or seeing yourself as so unprepared and incapable that you conclude your sibling might be better off in foster care. Sometimes in life you have to make hard choices you never anticipated, and you might not handle them perfectly but maybe it was the best you could do at the time.
But LW is making it sound as though Rowan didn't find the choice hard and doesn't even think about whether what she did was right even in retrospect, which would make me raise an eyebrow if it's true because it makes it sound like she just doesn't care how her choices impacted Rue at all. It's possible to make a tough call and still have empathy for people who were affected by the consequences.