I always kind of cringe when the word "obligation" is used in these situations. What creates an obligation? Do we have any? I mean, you could turn it around in the other direction: does a partner who entered into a marriage with the explicit understanding that it would be a childfree relationship have an "obligation" to refuse custody of children? Does taking marriage vows create an obligation? Does having a child create an obligation? Is it the deliberate act on the part of an individual that creates an obligation? Why am I suddenly imitating Tucker Carlson?
For me, "obligation" is kind of beside the point. There are plenty of things that many if not most people would agree I have no specific "obligation" to do that I think, if I want to consider myself, am invested in considering myself, a good person, I really should do, from holding a door open for an elderly person to, in this case, taking in my siblings if the only other option had been foster care. They weren't my kids; I didn't make a choice to bring them into this world. I still helped take care of them after my dad died, and I still would have taken responsibility for them if my mom had died or otherwise not been able to take care of them while they were minors. And I would still have considered myself kind of a shit person if I hadn't, or at the very least, if I had let them go into a bad situation rather than do so.
(I mean, speaking personally: do my siblings have an "obligation" not to constantly give me low-grade crap at family gatherings? Probably not, but I think doing it makes them lousy people, and I've decided I don't have an "obligation" to be around them anymore.)
Again, YMMV, but as you say, your relationships are up to you. If LW is horrified by Rowan's actions, and more importantly, horrified by her current feelings about and actions related to those past actions, then LW should at the very least sort it out before committing any further, and should probably just end things before they get any more committed at this point.
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For me, "obligation" is kind of beside the point. There are plenty of things that many if not most people would agree I have no specific "obligation" to do that I think, if I want to consider myself, am invested in considering myself, a good person, I really should do, from holding a door open for an elderly person to, in this case, taking in my siblings if the only other option had been foster care. They weren't my kids; I didn't make a choice to bring them into this world. I still helped take care of them after my dad died, and I still would have taken responsibility for them if my mom had died or otherwise not been able to take care of them while they were minors. And I would still have considered myself kind of a shit person if I hadn't, or at the very least, if I had let them go into a bad situation rather than do so.
(I mean, speaking personally: do my siblings have an "obligation" not to constantly give me low-grade crap at family gatherings? Probably not, but I think doing it makes them lousy people, and I've decided I don't have an "obligation" to be around them anymore.)
Again, YMMV, but as you say, your relationships are up to you. If LW is horrified by Rowan's actions, and more importantly, horrified by her current feelings about and actions related to those past actions, then LW should at the very least sort it out before committing any further, and should probably just end things before they get any more committed at this point.