I have rarely (if ever) heard people use phrasing like "reprogram their language" in good faith, so I'm instantly on guard as soon as I've read this. :/ I've seen people make the step from a generalised statement to "it's too much work to reprogram my language for this one person" by shuffling half an inch forward.
Anyyyway, there is a difference between using "they" as a pronoun that says something about someone's identity or using it as "don't know", so I'm not automatically worried about misgendering here. On the other hand, that difference is best served by being consistent about using it as a "don't know", so I do agree that this is at the least not something you can suddenly spring on a group of people unsuspecting. Within a team, have at it. You can all work on it together.
(When talking amongst ourselves, one team I work with refer to users with neutral pronouns unless we're sure; this is made easier because we never see/hear the people we're dealing with, but still. A user we know as, say, Alice? Still a they unless we're told differently.
My team are also in practice because I ask for they/them/their myself. When someone new joins us, it doesn't actually take long for them to pick up that convention. You can lean on that consistency to a) ensure you're using it as a true neutral, not as "I can't read this person so I'll label them as maybe-enby", and b) help new people get used to it.)
In the end, my advice in this case would be to state: "In the interests of being inclusive, if you have strong feelings about what pronouns should be used to refer to you, please put them in your Zoom usernames so we can see them matched up with your name, rather than saying them in your introduction. That will be easiest for people to remember, and we also hope to avoid putting anyone on the spot."
There would then be lots of reasons not to join in, from not caring, forgetting, not knowing how, etc, to having complex feelings about it... but those who want to make it clear or who want to make it easier for others to come out can do it knowing they are welcome.
no subject
Getting people to reprogram their language
I have rarely (if ever) heard people use phrasing like "reprogram their language" in good faith, so I'm instantly on guard as soon as I've read this. :/ I've seen people make the step from a generalised statement to "it's too much work to reprogram my language for this one person" by shuffling half an inch forward.
Anyyyway, there is a difference between using "they" as a pronoun that says something about someone's identity or using it as "don't know", so I'm not automatically worried about misgendering here. On the other hand, that difference is best served by being consistent about using it as a "don't know", so I do agree that this is at the least not something you can suddenly spring on a group of people unsuspecting. Within a team, have at it. You can all work on it together.
(When talking amongst ourselves, one team I work with refer to users with neutral pronouns unless we're sure; this is made easier because we never see/hear the people we're dealing with, but still. A user we know as, say, Alice? Still a they unless we're told differently.
My team are also in practice because I ask for they/them/their myself. When someone new joins us, it doesn't actually take long for them to pick up that convention. You can lean on that consistency to a) ensure you're using it as a true neutral, not as "I can't read this person so I'll label them as maybe-enby", and b) help new people get used to it.)
In the end, my advice in this case would be to state: "In the interests of being inclusive, if you have strong feelings about what pronouns should be used to refer to you, please put them in your Zoom usernames so we can see them matched up with your name, rather than saying them in your introduction. That will be easiest for people to remember, and we also hope to avoid putting anyone on the spot."
There would then be lots of reasons not to join in, from not caring, forgetting, not knowing how, etc, to having complex feelings about it... but those who want to make it clear or who want to make it easier for others to come out can do it knowing they are welcome.