I get that the daughter's point of view is discomforting for the parents here. And it sucks to be at odds with the ones we love. But the whole thing with punishing her right when they're disagreeing with her beliefs is going to backfire.
So I guess this'd be how I'd try to rescue this situation:
"Sorry I flew off the handle. This is really emotional for me because this issue is so important and near to my heart. I can see that it is for you too. While we don't agree, and I don't want to spend all the time arguing about it, I do want to tell you a little more about why I believe what I believe. Are you comfortable to sit down and have a chat with me at the weekend about it, when we have plenty of time? I think it's going to make me quite upset, and I want to give us both the time to approach it in a positive way. Let's not talk any more about it until then, OK?
Regarding your grounding and your phone, [this will end at the usual time/you can earn your way out in the usual way], and it's because you went behind our backs to do this. It's always important that we know where you are and that you're safe. I know you're pretty much an adult now and we'd like to trust you to be responsible, but lying about your whereabouts rather than having an adult discussion with us about where you want to go is not a good sign here. It shows that you didn't trust us, and it means we can't trust you. Let's work on that together.
If you want to go to rallies and protests, let's set some ground rules so that we know where you are, and you know you can contact us if you need help. We want you to be safe and that will never change."
If the situation is so volatile that the daughter would argue back too much to get the whole speech out, then perhaps it can be delivered by note? I know that some people place all the importance on face-to-face discussion, but I personally hate it as someone who prefers to choose my words and gets scared of conflict and even uncomfortable with eye contact. It's usually my chosen method of de-escalation in a lot of situations... and it works. I can take a deep breath and back the fuck down when I've overstepped much easier when I can do it calmly on my own. Maybe it should be a thing?
no subject
Whoa whoa whoa.
I get that the daughter's point of view is discomforting for the parents here. And it sucks to be at odds with the ones we love. But the whole thing with punishing her right when they're disagreeing with her beliefs is going to backfire.
So I guess this'd be how I'd try to rescue this situation:
"Sorry I flew off the handle. This is really emotional for me because this issue is so important and near to my heart. I can see that it is for you too. While we don't agree, and I don't want to spend all the time arguing about it, I do want to tell you a little more about why I believe what I believe. Are you comfortable to sit down and have a chat with me at the weekend about it, when we have plenty of time? I think it's going to make me quite upset, and I want to give us both the time to approach it in a positive way. Let's not talk any more about it until then, OK?
Regarding your grounding and your phone, [this will end at the usual time/you can earn your way out in the usual way], and it's because you went behind our backs to do this. It's always important that we know where you are and that you're safe. I know you're pretty much an adult now and we'd like to trust you to be responsible, but lying about your whereabouts rather than having an adult discussion with us about where you want to go is not a good sign here. It shows that you didn't trust us, and it means we can't trust you. Let's work on that together.
If you want to go to rallies and protests, let's set some ground rules so that we know where you are, and you know you can contact us if you need help. We want you to be safe and that will never change."
If the situation is so volatile that the daughter would argue back too much to get the whole speech out, then perhaps it can be delivered by note? I know that some people place all the importance on face-to-face discussion, but I personally hate it as someone who prefers to choose my words and gets scared of conflict and even uncomfortable with eye contact. It's usually my chosen method of de-escalation in a lot of situations... and it works. I can take a deep breath and back the fuck down when I've overstepped much easier when I can do it calmly on my own. Maybe it should be a thing?