agonyaunt | Dan Savage

Dan Savage

My mistress wants to deny me the pleasure of regular food. We want to create a “slop” that I can eat four to five times daily that is highly nutritious but as bland-tasting as possible. Any ideas? Can you consult a nutritionist?
Seeking Slave Food

Are there any vegan restaurants in your area?

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What the hell? That's about all I have to say.

I don't know if the question suits the definition of "triggering." I don't think Dan's answer is particularly bad.

However, I do think that you should warn in the main post that your response is triggering.

Basically, you have answered Dan's flippant, but not actively harmful, response with a prescription for malnutrition and disordered eating, that is further based on your ideas of what that person should want, deserve, and afford. That you acknowledge the nutrition and disorder at the end doesn't make it any safer to read; I don't have eating disorders or major food issues, and I was pretty sickened. You also ignored the letter writer's asking about a nutritionist, which strongly implies to me that this person does not want to suffer from malnutrition.

Edited (fixed html) 2010-09-08 16:28 (UTC)

I have edited the comment in question to insert a trigger warning in the header. I hope this is sufficient.

Could you please explain, based on my comment, how you drew the conclusion that my result was based on my ideas of what that person should want, deserve, or afford?

"So vegan restaurant food will not necessarily be as bland and tasteless as this person wants. Besides, restaurant food is not economical, and might not be available for takeaway"

"whey is the cheapest...bulk quantities of the cheapest possible frozen vegetables"

"Expect considerable digestive distress. Expect to get deficiencies of nutrients not known to food science. Expect disordered eating, not least because this is disordered eating."

The writer asked about a nutritionist.

P.S. And I think the warning should be on the main post. I may be wrong.

I have deleted the comment.

I mentioned economics because I myself live on exactly half as much as the Australian poverty line. So it's a concern for me.

I posted the comment because in response to being triggered myself. What I posted was a menu I'd planned for myself, only at a 500 calorie per day deficit.

Yes, I shouldn't have posted it, but could you please pause to think about how it felt to read that you were sickened by it.

Just to err on the side of caution, I think cut tag of the main post with a trigger warning would be better.

Done.

Thank you. I always prefer to err on the side of cutting, especially now with expandable tags.

What would you suggest as a response to your comment?

I do not believe that being triggered oneself means that one has a free pass to trigger others, or post actively harmful pro-ana food strategies.

I am not pro-ana. I do not endorse anorexia, I have not been diagnosed with anorexia, I do not attempt to become underweight or to lose more than the maximum safe amount per week advised by the Australian Dieticians' Association, or advise anyone else to do so. Nor have I ever done so.

I did not intend to trigger others, and I took steps to remedy the situation as soon as you brought it to my attention. I was wrong to post it in the first place, and it was inappropriate and I am sorry.

What I posted was the way I am thinking, because of my eating disorder (which is not anorexia.) When you called that sickening, that hurt, because you were in effect saying that the way I think and feel is sickening. That hurt a lot. I am aware that the way I think and feel is unhealthy and potentially dangerous, but no one has ever told me that I sicken them before. No one, no matter how cruel I've been to them, or how ugly they think I am, or how unwelcome.

I did not say that you were sickening. I said the comment was. If you can't tell the difference, that is not my responsibility.

Let me break this down for you. The comment was an accurate portrayal of my state of mind. You said that was sickening. I was hurt. If you don't care that what you said hurt me, that's your prerogative. The only reason I've continued this conversation for the past few comments has been that I thought you might care. That I was hurt. You know, as a decent human being.

Okay, guys, I think we're done, here.

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Dan Savage

no subject

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