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Dear Care and Feeding,
My daughter’s guidance counselor recommended that she get a job in order to make her college applications more impressive. She got a waitressing job almost immediately, but just as quickly wants to quit. She’s offended by patrons flirting with her. As her dad, I’m not thrilled with the stories she tells, but I also know what men are like when they’re out in a group drinking and letting loose, and that what she’s talking about is just an occupational hazard when working with the public. I have pointed out she has all the power here, and with a better attitude could be making money off these guys, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She says that by insisting she keep working, I’m not being supportive of her, but I don’t want her to be so easily offended—I don’t want her to live her whole life that way! Plus, after such a long quarantine during her teen years, she needs to get used to interacting with people again, even people who don’t do exactly what she wants them to do. Most importantly, this is supposed to make her look good for colleges. How do I get her to stick with it and see that it’s a good thing?
—Waitress Woes Worth It
Dear WWWI,
Let me start with the guidance counselor’s misguided guidance, and the way you’ve wholeheartedly bought into it. Getting a job in order to make college applications “more impressive” is silly. I say this with certainty both as a longtime college professor and as someone who has done a lot of college application advising. (In fact, doing anything for the express purpose of making college applications seem more impressive is silly. Admissions officers aren’t stupid: they can tell when this is what’s going on.) If your kid needs a job or wants a job, that’s a whole ’nother thing. Context matters when it comes to after-school jobs, activities and clubs, “interests,” volunteer work, and everything else that is part of a college application. So forget about what you consider “most important” here, because it isn’t.
What is most important is that you take your daughter seriously when she tells you that the men she encounters at her serving job are making her uncomfortable. Encourage her to stand up for herself. She should not put up with men’s bad behavior, make excuses for it, accept it as a fact of life, toughen up, or learn not to be “so easily” offended. I am offended by your advising her to suck it up and “make money off these guys.”
I will certainly not help you get her to “stick with it and see that it’s a good thing.” It is not a good thing. And she’s right: you need to get it together and be (much) more supportive. If she still wants a job—and not because she thinks it will look good—she should look for another one. And you of all people should support her in that.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/03/give-up-things-tough-teens.html
My daughter’s guidance counselor recommended that she get a job in order to make her college applications more impressive. She got a waitressing job almost immediately, but just as quickly wants to quit. She’s offended by patrons flirting with her. As her dad, I’m not thrilled with the stories she tells, but I also know what men are like when they’re out in a group drinking and letting loose, and that what she’s talking about is just an occupational hazard when working with the public. I have pointed out she has all the power here, and with a better attitude could be making money off these guys, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She says that by insisting she keep working, I’m not being supportive of her, but I don’t want her to be so easily offended—I don’t want her to live her whole life that way! Plus, after such a long quarantine during her teen years, she needs to get used to interacting with people again, even people who don’t do exactly what she wants them to do. Most importantly, this is supposed to make her look good for colleges. How do I get her to stick with it and see that it’s a good thing?
—Waitress Woes Worth It
Dear WWWI,
Let me start with the guidance counselor’s misguided guidance, and the way you’ve wholeheartedly bought into it. Getting a job in order to make college applications “more impressive” is silly. I say this with certainty both as a longtime college professor and as someone who has done a lot of college application advising. (In fact, doing anything for the express purpose of making college applications seem more impressive is silly. Admissions officers aren’t stupid: they can tell when this is what’s going on.) If your kid needs a job or wants a job, that’s a whole ’nother thing. Context matters when it comes to after-school jobs, activities and clubs, “interests,” volunteer work, and everything else that is part of a college application. So forget about what you consider “most important” here, because it isn’t.
What is most important is that you take your daughter seriously when she tells you that the men she encounters at her serving job are making her uncomfortable. Encourage her to stand up for herself. She should not put up with men’s bad behavior, make excuses for it, accept it as a fact of life, toughen up, or learn not to be “so easily” offended. I am offended by your advising her to suck it up and “make money off these guys.”
I will certainly not help you get her to “stick with it and see that it’s a good thing.” It is not a good thing. And she’s right: you need to get it together and be (much) more supportive. If she still wants a job—and not because she thinks it will look good—she should look for another one. And you of all people should support her in that.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/03/give-up-things-tough-teens.html