I actually read some of the comments to this one. Some commenters pointed out that in her letter it sounds like LW is doing the bulk of the childcare. This might be acceptable in some situations, it's certainly not here. Her husband needs to do half the work when they're both home, and if he's leaving for work before she's getting the kids ready for school he needs to help get things prepared so it runs as smoothly as possible.
Several other commenters really should stfu. They clearly know nothing about anything, but here they are giving advice along the lines of "be stricter" and "they were pretty young and it's been a few years, why aren't they better yet, I bet it's your fault, or maybe therapy's fault for not telling you to be stricter".
I mean, I don't know much about the subject either, but I somehow don't think that punishment is at all a solution for food-related issues from kids who certainly experienced food insecurity at a critical age. (And look how many examples of squabbles revolve around food! This is definitely an issue.)
LW needs help. First, she needs respite care, which she is entitled to. Some commenters pointed out that it's probably possible to arrange it so that the kids sometimes have staggered respite, one kid at home and the other away, and at other times they're both in respite care but separate from each other.
Secondly, she needs her own personal therapy, and she probably needs to change her sons' therapists if possible. Not because they're crap therapists, but because even with covid I'm not certain we can just handwave away an inconsistent schedule, and therapy, especially at this age, kinda has to be consistent.
Thirdly, I think she and her husband need parenting education, specifically dealing with their kids' specific issues. The food thing jumps out at me again. Apparently there isn't much of a consensus on whether kids with issues from food insecurity are better off being allowed to eat what they want, when they want OR if they are better off if the meal plan is scheduled, the food comes at regular and predictable intervals (with options for snacks in between), and certainly anything that they can't eat whenever they want is kept locked up or out of the house. It may be that some kids work better with one approach than another, I really don't know. What I do know is it doesn't look like LW and her husband are doing either of those, or even have any sort of plan at all. She doesn't want them eating candy in the mornings, fair - but it's somehow accessible to them, which is an unreasonable expectation for a lot of kids that age who don't have this background. And I'm iffy about her framing this as "stealing". If the candy is okay for them to eat some of the time, it's not stealing. And if it's not, again, it should not be accessible to them at all. Is all the "stealing food" food that they're entitled to but eating when she doesn't want them to eat it? Or is some of it stealing from classmates? If it's the latter, is there a behavioral plan in the school to help them curb this impulse? I'd suggest starting by keeping food that they're not allowed to eat out of their reach. And if they're tired and hungry at dinner time, it does seem that the easiest solution is to not let them get that hungry. Have food available as soon as they leave aftercare, or otherwise halfway between getting home from school and whenever dinner is served.
LW and Husband are not getting the support they need, support that they really are supposed to be getting. If these kids were adopted from foster care, social services is dropping the ball here.
no subject
Several other commenters really should stfu. They clearly know nothing about anything, but here they are giving advice along the lines of "be stricter" and "they were pretty young and it's been a few years, why aren't they better yet, I bet it's your fault, or maybe therapy's fault for not telling you to be stricter".
I mean, I don't know much about the subject either, but I somehow don't think that punishment is at all a solution for food-related issues from kids who certainly experienced food insecurity at a critical age. (And look how many examples of squabbles revolve around food! This is definitely an issue.)
LW needs help. First, she needs respite care, which she is entitled to. Some commenters pointed out that it's probably possible to arrange it so that the kids sometimes have staggered respite, one kid at home and the other away, and at other times they're both in respite care but separate from each other.
Secondly, she needs her own personal therapy, and she probably needs to change her sons' therapists if possible. Not because they're crap therapists, but because even with covid I'm not certain we can just handwave away an inconsistent schedule, and therapy, especially at this age, kinda has to be consistent.
Thirdly, I think she and her husband need parenting education, specifically dealing with their kids' specific issues. The food thing jumps out at me again. Apparently there isn't much of a consensus on whether kids with issues from food insecurity are better off being allowed to eat what they want, when they want OR if they are better off if the meal plan is scheduled, the food comes at regular and predictable intervals (with options for snacks in between), and certainly anything that they can't eat whenever they want is kept locked up or out of the house. It may be that some kids work better with one approach than another, I really don't know. What I do know is it doesn't look like LW and her husband are doing either of those, or even have any sort of plan at all. She doesn't want them eating candy in the mornings, fair - but it's somehow accessible to them, which is an unreasonable expectation for a lot of kids that age who don't have this background. And I'm iffy about her framing this as "stealing". If the candy is okay for them to eat some of the time, it's not stealing. And if it's not, again, it should not be accessible to them at all. Is all the "stealing food" food that they're entitled to but eating when she doesn't want them to eat it? Or is some of it stealing from classmates? If it's the latter, is there a behavioral plan in the school to help them curb this impulse? I'd suggest starting by keeping food that they're not allowed to eat out of their reach. And if they're tired and hungry at dinner time, it does seem that the easiest solution is to not let them get that hungry. Have food available as soon as they leave aftercare, or otherwise halfway between getting home from school and whenever dinner is served.
LW and Husband are not getting the support they need, support that they really are supposed to be getting. If these kids were adopted from foster care, social services is dropping the ball here.