I'm sort of at "What was he doing to make it clear to his wife that she still mattered to him during this time?" Because if he'd been busy at weird times, but also very aware of the implications, making it clear it wasn't something about her, etc. I feel like that would have come across rather differently, y'know?

(Or even saying "I know I'm really preoccupied right now: I can't tell you why because it affects someone else's safety." which might cover a lot. Or even the first part, with a "It's important to me, I hope you can trust that I'm doing the right thing, and I'll tell you more about it when I can."