As you know (Bob), I'm in this scenario in multiple positions: I live four hours away from a mother who has hit the point where she cannot live alone, and spouse and I live considerably farther from his parents, who have no other kids.

Short answer: LW should start compiling thorough, organized information packets about local assisted living. She should also get a therapist who will help her through this process. She should also also kick her husband in the rear about the whole "running a household primarily by myself" thing.

Long answer:...{{sobs}}