Someone who gets along with her parents (and whose parents have been fairly foresightful and even-handed about the distribution of their estate), commenting on the advice:
You are not a bad person for wanting your mother to be in assisted living.
Correct. Busy life, sandwich generation, household and work and immediate familial responsibilities, plus The Mystery Of The Unmentioned Husband (a not-uncommon mystery in our modern advice columns about familial care) means LW cannot manage parental care on top of everything else.
Since you were the one to start the conversation about the trust, open that conversation back up and add that along with her trust,
No. Leave the inheritance out of the dicussion. Even if it's the core reason for LW's resentment and desire not to hand her mother off to assisted care, do not mention it. It should remain unspoken or else the accusations of bitterness and vengefulness will likely linger for as long as her mother lives and quite possibly after.
I am curious whether LW in any way, shape, or form expected greater consideration from her mother in the writing of the will. While, technically, splitting the estate evenly between the two sisters is fair in the broadest sense, LW being put out of her life and not being reimbursed has...problematic elements. Does LW's mother consider her daughter's care her rightful due "for all the sacrifices I made over the years" or whatever line it is that parents give.
she [mother] needs to figure out what her next steps are in making sure she receives the ongoing medical care you currently provide
Correct. That said, it sounds like LW will be the one making the arrangements because mother is unlikely to: she has everything she wants right there.
no subject
You are not a bad person for wanting your mother to be in assisted living.
Correct. Busy life, sandwich generation, household and work and immediate familial responsibilities, plus The Mystery Of The Unmentioned Husband (a not-uncommon mystery in our modern advice columns about familial care) means LW cannot manage parental care on top of everything else.
Since you were the one to start the conversation about the trust, open that conversation back up and add that along with her trust,
No. Leave the inheritance out of the dicussion. Even if it's the core reason for LW's resentment and desire not to hand her mother off to assisted care, do not mention it. It should remain unspoken or else the accusations of bitterness and vengefulness will likely linger for as long as her mother lives and quite possibly after.
I am curious whether LW in any way, shape, or form expected greater consideration from her mother in the writing of the will. While, technically, splitting the estate evenly between the two sisters is fair in the broadest sense, LW being put out of her life and not being reimbursed has...problematic elements. Does LW's mother consider her daughter's care her rightful due "for all the sacrifices I made over the years" or whatever line it is that parents give.
she [mother] needs to figure out what her next steps are in making sure she receives the ongoing medical care you currently provide
Correct. That said, it sounds like LW will be the one making the arrangements because mother is unlikely to: she has everything she wants right there.
Caregiving is not meant to be a one-person job.
Absolute truth.