I just have to ask: do women do this, too? By this I mean: become so enamored of/fixated on a particular sexual act that they will push (in whatever manner) a partner to do it even when the partner actively dislikes it?
I'm sure you're not asking "do women ever commit sexual assault?" because it happens despite that toxic-masculinity myth that a Real Man is so eager for sex all the time that he could never be raped and could certainly never report being raped.
It seems like you're asking if some women commit sexual assault for specifically sexual motives, rather than power. The question makes me uncomfortable. (It reminds me of a distressing conversation I overheard in a physics lab 30 years ago...the young men had been told in a fraternity seminar that rape was about power, not sex. And this thing that happened at the party Saturday was clearly sex so it couldn't have been rape. I stayed behind the wall where they couldn't see me, because I had no idea what to say to that.) The LW's husband says he's assaulting her just because he likes the feel of the sex, not because he's bought into any of the power symbolism of anal sex that's so common in porn.* I can see why the LW would want to believe he's doing it just as a sex thing, not a power thing...that he's only hurting her by accident because he's selfishly focused on his own physical pleasure. That doesn't mean it isn't a power thing.
*It's not only common in porn. When we say "F-- the former president!" the next step to make it nastier isn't "f-- him in The Hague." It's "f-- him in the ass."
ETA: I'm female. (Not very binary, but still.) About half of you know this, but I'm not sure Cereta does. I think it's relevant for this conversation.
no subject
I'm sure you're not asking "do women ever commit sexual assault?" because it happens despite that toxic-masculinity myth that a Real Man is so eager for sex all the time that he could never be raped and could certainly never report being raped.
It seems like you're asking if some women commit sexual assault for specifically sexual motives, rather than power. The question makes me uncomfortable. (It reminds me of a distressing conversation I overheard in a physics lab 30 years ago...the young men had been told in a fraternity seminar that rape was about power, not sex. And this thing that happened at the party Saturday was clearly sex so it couldn't have been rape. I stayed behind the wall where they couldn't see me, because I had no idea what to say to that.) The LW's husband says he's assaulting her just because he likes the feel of the sex, not because he's bought into any of the power symbolism of anal sex that's so common in porn.* I can see why the LW would want to believe he's doing it just as a sex thing, not a power thing...that he's only hurting her by accident because he's selfishly focused on his own physical pleasure. That doesn't mean it isn't a power thing.
*It's not only common in porn. When we say "F-- the former president!" the next step to make it nastier isn't "f-- him in The Hague." It's "f-- him in the ass."
ETA: I'm female. (Not very binary, but still.) About half of you know this, but I'm not sure Cereta does. I think it's relevant for this conversation.