Son. New wife. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, I'd think. But let's look at your end of things - you seem to be mortally afraid of losing some kind of relationship with your son that ... well, you probably never had but desperately wish you did. Because if you had that kind of relationship, you'd be able to realize it wasn't all about you, and you'd be able to talk to each other. Yes, talk to each other, not talk about him at your new daughter-in-law.

But pretty much yes to everything Carolyn said, with the added helping of o.O at writing to the DIL. That always works so well at drawing families closer together.