I guess today is the day I go all #mra on agonyaunt! :P
LW, it's possible that your husband really does just believe, as a matter of principle, that paternity tests for newborns should be routine and unremarkable, and he's invested in living by that principle. Is he a person who tends to be rigid about his private principles in general? Is it something you like about him, when it's a different principle?
It's possible he could find a mother for his children who agrees with him about that principle! - there are arguments in its favor, even feminist arguments in its favor - or a mother for his children who doesn't fully agree, but finds his strong feelings on the matter admirable, and wouldn't blink at going along with it.
You are clearly not that woman, LW. And he is clearly not interested in listening to him when you tell him that you're not okay with it. There are definitely problems here beyond your disagreement over a simple medical test, and you need to figure them out before putting a child in their way. It sounds like, beyond the question of cheating, you're worried that he's the kind of man who would only love a child that was biologically his, and you don't want to be married to a man who believes that (after all, there are ways other than cheating that could result in that). That's also a really valid principle to want to stand by, and that's probably something you should discuss with him explicitly!
(Also, if you're afraid to tell your husband you're pregnant, for any reason, your relationship is not "solid and wonderful".)
no subject
LW, it's possible that your husband really does just believe, as a matter of principle, that paternity tests for newborns should be routine and unremarkable, and he's invested in living by that principle. Is he a person who tends to be rigid about his private principles in general? Is it something you like about him, when it's a different principle?
It's possible he could find a mother for his children who agrees with him about that principle! - there are arguments in its favor, even feminist arguments in its favor - or a mother for his children who doesn't fully agree, but finds his strong feelings on the matter admirable, and wouldn't blink at going along with it.
You are clearly not that woman, LW. And he is clearly not interested in listening to him when you tell him that you're not okay with it. There are definitely problems here beyond your disagreement over a simple medical test, and you need to figure them out before putting a child in their way. It sounds like, beyond the question of cheating, you're worried that he's the kind of man who would only love a child that was biologically his, and you don't want to be married to a man who believes that (after all, there are ways other than cheating that could result in that). That's also a really valid principle to want to stand by, and that's probably something you should discuss with him explicitly!
(Also, if you're afraid to tell your husband you're pregnant, for any reason, your relationship is not "solid and wonderful".)