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Dear Prudence: Baby Names
Hurt: My mother-in-law called my husband this evening and told us that his stepsister-in-law was going into premature induced labor at 34 weeks because something is wrong with the baby’s heart. We aren’t super close to the couple, but we were nonetheless scared and devastated for them and their other young child. Well, we received another text that simply said the baby was here and they didn’t know anything more than her name. For the purposes of this query let’s call her “Alexandra.” Well, exactly eight months ago I had a baby that we named “Alex.” My husband and I are hurt and offended. Even if they call her Alexandra, other people, friends, family, will call her Alex. They essentially gave their child the same name as ours and we cannot say anything because the baby is sick. It’s so hurtful, and it’s a hurt we cannot even express. If the baby pulls through, and I certainly hope she does, I never want to see them again. What do we do?
A: Here is a basic fact: You don’t own the rights to “Alex” or “Alexandra” or any other name. If you wanted your child to have a name that’s almost unheard of, you could have gotten a copy of the Book of Wacky Celebrity Kid Names and chosen from that. Try to think about what’s actually going on here. A baby has arrived who’s the child of people you love. This baby is in medical distress. And you are planning to throw a permanent hissy fit because their child has a name similar to your child’s. Please tell me you are suffering from some kind of temporary derangement, and you are now coming to your senses. Because what you do now is to never, ever repeat the sentiments you put in this letter. Even if you have to put on an act—for the rest of your lives!—you pretend to be decent people. You welcome little Alexandra with joy, and you offer your help to her suffering parents (by bringing meals, looking after the toddler, etc.) however you can.