If it had been the daughter writing to an advice column saying "my bf keeps nicknaming me because he thinks my name is 'too hard' and won't listen when I say I don't like it" then I'd be right on the "dump him, he doesn't respect you" train. However.
It's her name, LW. Her name, her relationship, her life. You are being way too controlling of stuff that is NOT YOURS. Maybe she likes the name Sara (maybe she likes it better than the name you're so proud of giving her, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so), maybe she and her BF have some shit to work out, maybe they'll break up over this or other issues; regardless, none of this is your call, so butt out.
Also, am I reading this correctly? It seems like LW is white, married a Black man, and is now whitesplaining to her mixed-race daughter about fetishization and racism-based disrespect? Maybe... back off on that, LW, and listen to her about her own experiences rather than rushing to tell her how she should interpret them. (I mean, it's not explicit which parent is which race, but something about the fact that it's NOT LW's home country or ethnicity that's being disrespected, but LW is just Full of Outrage which Must Be Shared...)
ETA: the key to this whole letter is this line: "She doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but I’m completely outraged by this."
Sure, you can be outraged by stuff your daughter's boyfriend does. But if she's not, you can't reset the rules of their relationship FOR her.
no subject
It's her name, LW. Her name, her relationship, her life. You are being way too controlling of stuff that is NOT YOURS. Maybe she likes the name Sara (maybe she likes it better than the name you're so proud of giving her, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so), maybe she and her BF have some shit to work out, maybe they'll break up over this or other issues; regardless, none of this is your call, so butt out.
Also, am I reading this correctly? It seems like LW is white, married a Black man, and is now whitesplaining to her mixed-race daughter about fetishization and racism-based disrespect? Maybe... back off on that, LW, and listen to her about her own experiences rather than rushing to tell her how she should interpret them. (I mean, it's not explicit which parent is which race, but something about the fact that it's NOT LW's home country or ethnicity that's being disrespected, but LW is just Full of Outrage which Must Be Shared...)
ETA: the key to this whole letter is this line:
"She doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but I’m completely outraged by this."
Sure, you can be outraged by stuff your daughter's boyfriend does. But if she's not, you can't reset the rules of their relationship FOR her.