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Two letters to infuriate everyone
Dear Annie: I'm having some issues with a friend.
We are polar opposites politically, and it is now causing problems. I dislike one side, which happens to be her side -- and she dislikes the other, which happens to be mine. I read many sources of news, including from overseas, and don't rely on one source only.
While on the phone, she railed against a prominent newspaper that I like, saying that she would "pray for them."
When I sent my friend an article in support of the paper's position, she refused to read it. Her views are one-sided, and she refuses to read anything contrary.
Though I try to not talk about current events, she'll throw in her comments and will leave me so aghast, it's difficult to respond in any way, as I'm left speechless.
Do I pull the plug on this friendship? I wonder how we can continue as friends as I don't respect her views and we have many differing ideals. All I can feel is anger. -- Friends?
Dear Friends: You can certainly continue your friendship with her. If we all shared the same views on everything, then what a boring, robotic place we would live in. Try to examine why you feel so angry when someone doesn't share your views. The world could do with more understanding; why not start with yourself?
As for your friendship, make a pact with your friend that you will agree to disagree on world affairs and promise to stop bringing up politics to each other. If she refuses, or if she agrees and then keeps making cracks, then it is not the politics that separate you so much as her lack of respect for your request. Of course, this means that you can't initiate political commentary either.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2404052
~~~~~~~~
DEAR NATALIE: I have tried to talk to my family about racism. We are white. I have tried to explain to them that dismantling racism starts at home. We need to talk to our children about this. But my brother and his wife are really fighting with me on this point. They don’t think it is appropriate that I recently talked to their kids (who are 10 and 12) about the Black Lives Matter movement. But, their kids asked me about it. They aren’t dumb. They see and hear everything going on. My sister-in-law thinks it isn’t “mentally healthy” for their kids to be “exposed” to these issues which they think have been “blown out of proportion.” We were at my brother’s last weekend for dinner and ended up in a big argument about this. The weird part is, we are all (pretty much) on the same page politically, but yet, they don’t feel that I should be so vocal. I am really frustrated with them both and now things are tense. Clearly I don’t want to fight, but if we don’t share these things with our children, how will anything change? Any advice on how to help my brother and sister-in-law come to terms with this? — TALK ABOUT IT
DEAR TALK ABOUT IT: This is a challenging time for many people who have never had to address racism in their homes or in their own hearts. The truth of it is, Black and non-white people have had to have these difficult conversations about the impact of racism with their children for years. Your sister-in-law trying to shield her children from the conversation of racism is an illustration of white privilege. Avoiding this talk, no matter how defensive they may be, while others are suffering and dying from the actual effects of racism helps no one. I would suggest some age-appropriate books for their children like “Harbor Me” by Jacqueline Woodson and “Just Mercy (Adapted for Young Adults): A True Story of the Fight for Justice” by Bryan Stevenson. I would also recommend “How to be an Antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi for your brother and sister-in-law to help them along their journey. Your relationship might be tense right now because you are growing and learning at different rates, but that is something you don’t have control over. Much of racism is rooted in self-interest, in a fear of losing something, in a fear of recognizing yourself in someone else. It takes time and it is up to everyone to do their part. Start with yourself. This work is continuous and it is not an easy road. You can’t force anyone to do this work, so just be an example by continuing the work yourself. Continue to speak out. Educate and embrace. Shaming won’t help, but open and vulnerable conversations might. A little empathy can go a long way. Remind them that whether they want to talk to their kids about this or not, it is naive to think that their children aren’t getting an education about racism from other places. At this point, wouldn’t they want to have some control over that narrative? There can be joy in letting go of what divides us and instead celebrate our differences. It may sound cliche, but we are stronger together. This outlook can change not only our personal beliefs on what it means to be human, but systemically, we can then create a more equitable and peaceful world for everyone to have an opportunity to not just survive, but thrive.
https://www.uexpress.com/ask-natalie/2020/9/2/ask-natalie-unable-to-grieve-for (DO NOT GO THERE AND READ THE COMMENTS!)
We are polar opposites politically, and it is now causing problems. I dislike one side, which happens to be her side -- and she dislikes the other, which happens to be mine. I read many sources of news, including from overseas, and don't rely on one source only.
While on the phone, she railed against a prominent newspaper that I like, saying that she would "pray for them."
When I sent my friend an article in support of the paper's position, she refused to read it. Her views are one-sided, and she refuses to read anything contrary.
Though I try to not talk about current events, she'll throw in her comments and will leave me so aghast, it's difficult to respond in any way, as I'm left speechless.
Do I pull the plug on this friendship? I wonder how we can continue as friends as I don't respect her views and we have many differing ideals. All I can feel is anger. -- Friends?
Dear Friends: You can certainly continue your friendship with her. If we all shared the same views on everything, then what a boring, robotic place we would live in. Try to examine why you feel so angry when someone doesn't share your views. The world could do with more understanding; why not start with yourself?
As for your friendship, make a pact with your friend that you will agree to disagree on world affairs and promise to stop bringing up politics to each other. If she refuses, or if she agrees and then keeps making cracks, then it is not the politics that separate you so much as her lack of respect for your request. Of course, this means that you can't initiate political commentary either.
https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearannie/s-2404052
DEAR NATALIE: I have tried to talk to my family about racism. We are white. I have tried to explain to them that dismantling racism starts at home. We need to talk to our children about this. But my brother and his wife are really fighting with me on this point. They don’t think it is appropriate that I recently talked to their kids (who are 10 and 12) about the Black Lives Matter movement. But, their kids asked me about it. They aren’t dumb. They see and hear everything going on. My sister-in-law thinks it isn’t “mentally healthy” for their kids to be “exposed” to these issues which they think have been “blown out of proportion.” We were at my brother’s last weekend for dinner and ended up in a big argument about this. The weird part is, we are all (pretty much) on the same page politically, but yet, they don’t feel that I should be so vocal. I am really frustrated with them both and now things are tense. Clearly I don’t want to fight, but if we don’t share these things with our children, how will anything change? Any advice on how to help my brother and sister-in-law come to terms with this? — TALK ABOUT IT
DEAR TALK ABOUT IT: This is a challenging time for many people who have never had to address racism in their homes or in their own hearts. The truth of it is, Black and non-white people have had to have these difficult conversations about the impact of racism with their children for years. Your sister-in-law trying to shield her children from the conversation of racism is an illustration of white privilege. Avoiding this talk, no matter how defensive they may be, while others are suffering and dying from the actual effects of racism helps no one. I would suggest some age-appropriate books for their children like “Harbor Me” by Jacqueline Woodson and “Just Mercy (Adapted for Young Adults): A True Story of the Fight for Justice” by Bryan Stevenson. I would also recommend “How to be an Antiracist” by Ibram X. Kendi for your brother and sister-in-law to help them along their journey. Your relationship might be tense right now because you are growing and learning at different rates, but that is something you don’t have control over. Much of racism is rooted in self-interest, in a fear of losing something, in a fear of recognizing yourself in someone else. It takes time and it is up to everyone to do their part. Start with yourself. This work is continuous and it is not an easy road. You can’t force anyone to do this work, so just be an example by continuing the work yourself. Continue to speak out. Educate and embrace. Shaming won’t help, but open and vulnerable conversations might. A little empathy can go a long way. Remind them that whether they want to talk to their kids about this or not, it is naive to think that their children aren’t getting an education about racism from other places. At this point, wouldn’t they want to have some control over that narrative? There can be joy in letting go of what divides us and instead celebrate our differences. It may sound cliche, but we are stronger together. This outlook can change not only our personal beliefs on what it means to be human, but systemically, we can then create a more equitable and peaceful world for everyone to have an opportunity to not just survive, but thrive.
https://www.uexpress.com/ask-natalie/2020/9/2/ask-natalie-unable-to-grieve-for (DO NOT GO THERE AND READ THE COMMENTS!)