![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Preteen Daughter Needs a Bra
DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 10 years old, and she is already developing like a teenager. I am torn as to how to deal with this. When I was growing up, my mother made me wear undershirts until I was a teenager. She said that a nice girl shouldn’t wear a bra until she is a teen. My daughter clearly needs to wear a bra. Without one, she is actually drawing more attention to her body than if she had more control of her budding breasts. I feel like I should get her fitted for a bra, but I keep hearing my mother’s voice in my head. How can I reconcile this and support my child? -- Growing Pains
DEAR GROWING PAINS: It is time for you to listen to your own voice. Your instincts are telling you the right thing. Your child needs support for the body she is in, not the one you wish she inhabited. Keeping your mother’s sentiments in mind, you can be sure to get her “appropriate” bras.
There are bras designed for teens, including many without underwire, which you should choose for health reasons as well as presentation reasons. Look for sports bras that provide support without glamorizing. Avoid push-up bras or those marketed as “sexy.” Take her to a store where a knowledgeable salesperson can help you make smart decisions. Be upbeat when you talk to your daughter. She is likely uncomfortable and possibly confused by the changes in her body. The way you respond to her will make all the difference in how she embraces the woman she is becoming.
https://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2019/12/3/0/preteen-daughter-needs-a-bra
DEAR GROWING PAINS: It is time for you to listen to your own voice. Your instincts are telling you the right thing. Your child needs support for the body she is in, not the one you wish she inhabited. Keeping your mother’s sentiments in mind, you can be sure to get her “appropriate” bras.
There are bras designed for teens, including many without underwire, which you should choose for health reasons as well as presentation reasons. Look for sports bras that provide support without glamorizing. Avoid push-up bras or those marketed as “sexy.” Take her to a store where a knowledgeable salesperson can help you make smart decisions. Be upbeat when you talk to your daughter. She is likely uncomfortable and possibly confused by the changes in her body. The way you respond to her will make all the difference in how she embraces the woman she is becoming.
https://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2019/12/3/0/preteen-daughter-needs-a-bra
no subject
2. With that said, there is no magical cup size where one "needs" a bra. I agree that if your daughter is able to wear a bra with a proper cup size (aka "not a training bra") or if she's at an age where kids tease her for not wearing one or if she just wants one she should have a bra. However, if she doesn't want to wear one she should not be shamed for this, nor told that she "needs" to.
no subject
no subject
There may come a point when the social consequences of not wearing some kind of breast covering (up to an including being sent home from school to change) may outweigh not wearing a bra, and you should probably have a chat with her about bras and breasts and society's issues with them before that, so she understands the choices she has and the way people's responses to her might change as she grows, and that you are there to support her when they do.
There are camisoles/undershirts with built-in breast support that work well enough to prevent most of the social consequences of bralessness up to a surprisingly large breast size, so if she's uncomfortable or uninterested with bras, but also uncomfortable with her breasts and/or the way people respond to them, those are worth looking into.
Also, while you should not let your mom's voice rule you, if she *is* interested in bras, it's valid to steer her *away* from ones that over-emphasize her "adult" attributes for awhile yet - ten years is old enough for some girls to be very interested in looking adult, without it being safe for them to be *seen* as adult, and that's a point at which a mom should put her foot down. But there are enough young girls developing early that there are safe bra choices too, and there are ways to put your foot down about it that are better than the way your mother did.
no subject
(Otoh, now that I'm officially over the mid-60 hill, I take every opportunity I can to NOT wear a bra. They sag. Big deal.)
no subject
no subject
no subject
*rereads the advice*
*boggles delightedly*
no subject
Oh, dear heavens WHAT?
Dear LW, in addition to Harriet's quite solid advice, I would highly recommend a counsellor of some kind because wow that's some toxic unpacking to do right there and with a pre-pubescent teenaged girl in your household absorbing from you the things that you learned from your mother, the sooner you work out which parts of your mother's advice is going to inadvertantly brutalise your daughter's self-esteem, the better.
no subject
no subject
And fatphobia... because girls who are fat are more likely to develop breasts earlier.
no subject
Your mother had some antiquated ideas about what a "nice girl" should wear, and that's putting it mildly
:P
no subject
2) If child wants a bra, get her a well fitted bra in an age appropriate style (being both in the UK and 36 I have no idea)
3)If child does not want a bra social propriety may require an undershirt or camisole beneath the kind of white shirt I was always made to wear to school (semi transparent...). These do come in 'supportive' options without 'looking like' a bra, if that is desired.
4)At a 34E I do not always wear a bra, it is a matter of comfort and personal choice.
no subject
Take your kid to get fitted and go with what she wants and needs.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
*