They cannot, however, be “manipulative,” because that word implies a conscious willingness to harm another for personal gain.
The point is NOT "to harm another". The point is to CONTROL another, which is not the same thing (although harm can occur in the process). The part of the letter which spotlights this is "as soon as her mother looked over at her, she would immediately start up again as loud as she could." Yep, that is definitely manipulative; the kid knows exactly what to do to get her way, and every time her mother looks at her she exercises that process. That's manipulation.
Having said that, I agree this isn't what my parents would have done either, although being whaled upon with a belt isn't the best choice. (It's better than the buggy whip my grandmother used on my father, I suppose.) I agree, both mother and daughter need to be working with a good therapist.
A friend of mine has a grown daughter whom I regard as spoiled rotten, and I have to bite my tongue (not always successfully) when she pulls stunts (like demanding her parents buy her and her girlfriend a house). I don't think she started out with tantrums, but I wouldn't be surprised. I wish something drastic had been done with her as a child, but she's not MY child, so I have to butt out.
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They cannot, however, be “manipulative,” because that word implies a conscious willingness to harm another for personal gain.
The point is NOT "to harm another". The point is to CONTROL another, which is not the same thing (although harm can occur in the process). The part of the letter which spotlights this is "as soon as her mother looked over at her, she would immediately start up again as loud as she could." Yep, that is definitely manipulative; the kid knows exactly what to do to get her way, and every time her mother looks at her she exercises that process. That's manipulation.
Having said that, I agree this isn't what my parents would have done either, although being whaled upon with a belt isn't the best choice. (It's better than the buggy whip my grandmother used on my father, I suppose.) I agree, both mother and daughter need to be working with a good therapist.
A friend of mine has a grown daughter whom I regard as spoiled rotten, and I have to bite my tongue (not always successfully) when she pulls stunts (like demanding her parents buy her and her girlfriend a house). I don't think she started out with tantrums, but I wouldn't be surprised. I wish something drastic had been done with her as a child, but she's not MY child, so I have to butt out.