Speaking as someone who has done similar but less fraught kind of searching, I think it was fine to leave that decision in "nephew's" hands. I mean, just based on the math, he's an adult. I admit, I would find someone, especially someone I loved and trusted, withholding information that I was desperately seeking (a way to contact a biological parent) to be rather high-handed. There were a few instances when I was searching around where people checked with the individual before giving me their contact info, which I think is reasonable, but I think expecting LW to play go-between would be really unfair.