I have lots of sympathy with this because my MIL is the same way. She wants to help, and keeps offering it. But she’s unwilling to provide the help that we need, and is never free when we need it. She wants us to go out and leave the baby with her, which I’m not comfortable to do for safety reasons. But sometimes it would be helpful to have an extra pair of hands (eg I’m pregnant again and was very sick, and asked her could she help feed my 18 month old because looking at food was hard for me, or when he was little and I was stuck under him breastfeeding I wanted just some company or someone to make me a cuppa) but she’s never available for that. Even if I say along the lines of “if you’re free at any point this week at toddler’s dinner / lunch time”. I get that she’s got her own life too and I’m delighted she has but I do feel like she wants to help in the specific way she wants and not in the ways that would actually be helpful. I dunno am I putting too much of my own experience on the LW but I can see how it can be tough.