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Dear Care and Feeding,
My 14-year-old daughter, “Molly,” is pretty anxious and has a tough time making friends, so she’s really close to the friends she does have.
One of her friends, “Tim,” has been battling cancer. He’s taken a leave of absence this year to undergo treatment due to the amount of time he’d have to be out of school. He’s expecting to be done with treatment by the start of the summer, and he has tutors to help him stay on target for continuing school next year. My wife and I are very proud of how considerate and compassionate Molly has been with Tim. Molly has been crying a lot and has been generally very emotional at home but is always there for Tim when he needs it and tries not to let a lot of her worries show. We’ve gotten calls several times from Tim’s mom just to tell us how wonderful Molly is and how happy she is that Molly and Tim are friends.
However, I think Molly may be going a bit too far. Her grades are slipping dramatically—to where she’s at risk of failing French and algebra—because she’s spending certain class periods on her phone the whole time, texting Tim, or she isn’t getting any schoolwork done because she’s spending the afternoons with her other friends at the hospital or at Tim’s house, visiting him, or just Facetiming him. I want to limit Molly’s visits so that she’ll have time to focus on her schoolwork, but my wife thinks that’s cruel. We’ve talked to Molly about keeping her grades up, but she just dismisses us. I think, having known Tim for some years now, that Tim is a wonderful kid, very thoughtful and kind, and if he knew that Molly was throwing away her education to spend time with him, he’d be upset too. We’ve tried that angle with Molly as well; it hasn’t worked, and I don’t want to interfere in my daughter’s friendships in that way. How can we support Molly through supporting her friend while making sure she prioritizes herself?
—Hate to Be the Bad Guy, But …
( Read more... )
My 14-year-old daughter, “Molly,” is pretty anxious and has a tough time making friends, so she’s really close to the friends she does have.
One of her friends, “Tim,” has been battling cancer. He’s taken a leave of absence this year to undergo treatment due to the amount of time he’d have to be out of school. He’s expecting to be done with treatment by the start of the summer, and he has tutors to help him stay on target for continuing school next year. My wife and I are very proud of how considerate and compassionate Molly has been with Tim. Molly has been crying a lot and has been generally very emotional at home but is always there for Tim when he needs it and tries not to let a lot of her worries show. We’ve gotten calls several times from Tim’s mom just to tell us how wonderful Molly is and how happy she is that Molly and Tim are friends.
However, I think Molly may be going a bit too far. Her grades are slipping dramatically—to where she’s at risk of failing French and algebra—because she’s spending certain class periods on her phone the whole time, texting Tim, or she isn’t getting any schoolwork done because she’s spending the afternoons with her other friends at the hospital or at Tim’s house, visiting him, or just Facetiming him. I want to limit Molly’s visits so that she’ll have time to focus on her schoolwork, but my wife thinks that’s cruel. We’ve talked to Molly about keeping her grades up, but she just dismisses us. I think, having known Tim for some years now, that Tim is a wonderful kid, very thoughtful and kind, and if he knew that Molly was throwing away her education to spend time with him, he’d be upset too. We’ve tried that angle with Molly as well; it hasn’t worked, and I don’t want to interfere in my daughter’s friendships in that way. How can we support Molly through supporting her friend while making sure she prioritizes herself?
—Hate to Be the Bad Guy, But …
( Read more... )