Night (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
inlovewithnight) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
agonyaunt2013-11-23 12:11 pm
inlovewithnight) wrote in agonyaunt2013-11-23 12:11 pm
Dear Prudence
Q. Transphobic Mother: How do I tell my mom that I'm dating a transgender man? I'm an adult, but I still live with my parents, and she has made some jokes about people that are transgender and has said that they don't know what they want. I know that it's within my right to not say anything, but I am very close to my parents, so I hate keeping things from them. She's met the guy in question, so I can't just not mention that he wasn't identified a man at birth. How should I handle this?
A: Since you're an adult, you start working toward being able to live in your own place so that your social life won't fall so directly under your parent's purview. I don't think you should say anything to your parents at this point. You're dating someone who identifies as a man and that's all your mother needs to know. She's met him and didn't have any questions about his gender. If you two decide to marry, then yes, this would be something to discuss with your parents, but that sounds as if it's not now on the agenda. If your mother talking about transgender people is a constant theme, then you should do some educating—and you can make it general for the time being. If she just makes an occasional remark that is not offensive, you can ignore it or address it as the situation demands.
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A: Since you're an adult, you start working toward being able to live in your own place so that your social life won't fall so directly under your parent's purview. I don't think you should say anything to your parents at this point. You're dating someone who identifies as a man and that's all your mother needs to know. She's met him and didn't have any questions about his gender. If you two decide to marry, then yes, this would be something to discuss with your parents, but that sounds as if it's not now on the agenda. If your mother talking about transgender people is a constant theme, then you should do some educating—and you can make it general for the time being. If she just makes an occasional remark that is not offensive, you can ignore it or address it as the situation demands.
[source]