I still wish I’d been out to my one grandfather, who was himself closeted most of his life. (He came out to my dad, his oldest son, about 5 years before he died. My dad told me he thought his father was bisexual but that he wasn’t sure — whatever his dad told him was obviously kinda vague.)
Mostly because I wish I could have had a conversation with him about what that kind of experience was like for him, though, not because it would have changed much for me (a mostly-out bisexual since age 17, but only out to my parents since age 25ish). I wish it was a talk we could have had (he died when i was 19). But I do feel like he would have understood, and I like that feeling. He also gave me the gift of knowing that my parents were able to cope with someone coming out to them — my dad’s response was to start buying grandpa beefcake calendars for christmas — and that’s something I treasure. if he’d known he made it easier for me i think he would have been pleased.
I was closer to my other grandparents, but never came out to them, and I don’t regret that. They knew me well, but I think that would have distressed them. Instead I can remember the good things about them — they were both active anti-racists and generally OK with non-straight and trans folks. Maybe they would have been ok with me, but it would have broken me entirely if they weren’t.
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Mostly because I wish I could have had a conversation with him about what that kind of experience was like for him, though, not because it would have changed much for me (a mostly-out bisexual since age 17, but only out to my parents since age 25ish). I wish it was a talk we could have had (he died when i was 19). But I do feel like he would have understood, and I like that feeling. He also gave me the gift of knowing that my parents were able to cope with someone coming out to them — my dad’s response was to start buying grandpa beefcake calendars for christmas — and that’s something I treasure. if he’d known he made it easier for me i think he would have been pleased.
I was closer to my other grandparents, but never came out to them, and I don’t regret that. They knew me well, but I think that would have distressed them. Instead I can remember the good things about them — they were both active anti-racists and generally OK with non-straight and trans folks. Maybe they would have been ok with me, but it would have broken me entirely if they weren’t.