Dear Abby: Fever Blister Fallout

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 68-year-old divorced woman who has been dating a slightly older widower. We were beginning a nice relationship until he got mad at me for giving him a fever blister. He suggested we not see each other or talk for more than two weeks. After that, he texted me to see if my fever blister was gone. He said he was still sort of angry about it, and described how ugly and painful the blister was.

I feel he was really petty, and it has put a damper on things. Am I wrong to feel this way? What is your advice? Hurry, please, because his blister is healing and he wants to see me. -- EMBARRASSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your gentleman friend's behavior wasn't petty. The fever blister you gave him was a herpes virus. Before you see him again, talk to your doctor so he or she can explain how the virus is passed and what you can do to lessen the chances or prevent it in the future. If you do, you'll be doing both of you a favor.

Comments

[kaberett]

Good grief. I am with Abby.

[likeaduck]

1. There’s lots of stigma about herpes, which means a lot of people have a lot of feelings about contracting or being at risk for contracting it, which is understandable.

2. That doesn’t justify being a jerk about it.


3. It’s hard to tell from the letter how much of a jerk this person actually was. Saying “this makes me pretty upset and I think I need a couple of weeks to cool off” and at the end of the two weeks “I’m still sort of angry, the blister is painful and makes me feel ugly” is different from “what the fuck you gave me herpes that’s disgusting/you’re disgusting I can’t look at you right now” and then two weeks later really harping on the ugliness and soreness and trying to make someone feel guilty, and there’s a fair spectrum in between.

Basically my read depends a lot more on how this dude has been handling his feelings and their impact on the LW than on the fact that it involves herpes.

[ayebydan]

The virus impacts various people in various ways and people are entitled to get as angry as they want if they get an infection like that, no matter how they do so.

You can then decides how you react to their reaction