The LW did violate her boyfriend's trust in a huge way, but that was before now. NOW she's sober, she's working on it. I think part of being loving would be for him to give her the chance to earn his trust back, rather than having decided that nothing she ever could do could earn it back.
I mean, maybe he feels that nothing she could ever do could earn it back, but... among other reasons why I don't think that would be a useful stance, I don't see it as being an encouragement for her to work towards what would be an impossible goal.
And I think that saying "As a recovering addict you can never possibly be a decent parent, no matter what," is another way of saying "there is no way you can ever earn my trust back." I know it's easy for me to sit here and say he should give her a chance -- I'm not the one who found her and didn't know if she was breathing. But if he's interested in being in a relationship with her, and for the sake of love and the evidence of her working on her recovery, I think he should give her that chance. Which might mean going to therapy to find a way to give her that chance.
(My sympathy for her is conditional on her actually being a recovering addict. I'm not writing this to excuse the devastation that active addiction causes. But I think we should hope, we should judge people as more than just their worst moments, or there's no reason to be else than our worst moments.)
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I mean, maybe he feels that nothing she could ever do could earn it back, but... among other reasons why I don't think that would be a useful stance, I don't see it as being an encouragement for her to work towards what would be an impossible goal.
And I think that saying "As a recovering addict you can never possibly be a decent parent, no matter what," is another way of saying "there is no way you can ever earn my trust back." I know it's easy for me to sit here and say he should give her a chance -- I'm not the one who found her and didn't know if she was breathing. But if he's interested in being in a relationship with her, and for the sake of love and the evidence of her working on her recovery, I think he should give her that chance. Which might mean going to therapy to find a way to give her that chance.
(My sympathy for her is conditional on her actually being a recovering addict. I'm not writing this to excuse the devastation that active addiction causes. But I think we should hope, we should judge people as more than just their worst moments, or there's no reason to be else than our worst moments.)