My husband and I both love music. We just don't like each other's music, and while I tolerate his, he can't do the same for mine - he has dyspraxia and misophonia, both of which affect his auditory processing and create intolerable stress for him which manifests as anxiety but can look from the outside like controlling behaviour. However we joke about it, we don't listen to music when the other is around (rather than forcing the other to listen to something they don't like), and we share space in other ways. We have also had some frank conversations about managing anxiety so it doesn't become controlling.

If the husband is controlling in other ways, and the daughter is anxious because of her father, then I would skip counselling for two, and get counselling for her, and the mother. Having someone controlling/manipulative in couples counselling is a recipe for even more abuse.

She also needs to speak to a lawyer for advice on how his being a SAHD would affect his likelihood of getting custody, as well as getting spousal support in her state.