When your ears are part of your outfit

[pensnest]

Dear Margo: A friend of my husband is getting married. I barely know the man, and I’ve met the intended bride twice. A verbal invitation was extended to both of us. Oh, by the way, the bride requested that I not wear my ears to the wedding.

Several years ago, my husband bought me a headband with little tiger ears on it. Ever since he put it on me, I’ve worn my ears everywhere, including to two weddings and a funeral. I’ve made them a part of my identity — my personal trademark, if you will. Going anywhere without my ears makes me feel self-conscious and only partially dressed.

My initial reaction was to wear the ears anyway, but then I realized I am not exactly obligated to attend the wedding. I’m not close to the bride or groom, but my husband considers the groom to be a good friend; the invitation included me out of common courtesy. Perhaps I should keep my sulky, uncooperative self at home, even though my husband would prefer I suck it up and go. I have some months to think about it. What’s your take? — M.R.S.

Dear M.: Maybe you and I are on the same wavelength, or maybe we’re both nuts, but I think your trademark ears are a hoot. And who doesn’t love individuality — besides the bride? Seeing as how you wear them everywhere, I wouldn’t dream of suggesting you leave them at home for the upcoming nuptials. (Do go, by the way.)

Odd of the bride to suggest what you wear and what you leave home, but let’s assume she will be so engrossed in the festivities that she will not notice. And to be realistic: Little tiger ears are much less attention-getting than big, floppy bunny ears. At least with your little tiger ears, no one can say you are celebrating Halloween early or reliving your days as a waitress at a Playboy club. — Margo, individually

Comments

[cereta]

I have to say, that response was...not what I was expecting ;).

[pensnest]

I know! I mean, I'm still in two minds about the little tiger ears myself, but I didn't expect Dear Margo to greet them with glee.

[cereta]

Yeah, same here. I mean, I can't imagine asking someone not to wear them just to attend the wedding (being in the party, maybe, but even then, I don't think I would). OTOH, since the bride has asked, it seems iffy to wear them anyway. On still another hand, I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if someone asked me not to wear any of my turtle jewelry. I actually do feel kind of vulnerable without it anymore. So yeah, mixed feelings.

[vass]

There was a guy in my university's science fiction club who was a Furry and insisted on wearing his huge, ugly, badly-sewn tail everywhere, including public, non-university events. It drew unwelcome attention on the rest of us, and he claimed fursecution if any of us complained. It wasn't like the tail even belonged to his fursona: he was a bunny-tiger hybrid, and the tail was more like a beaver's tail.

I haven no idea how large or conspicuous the tiger ears are, but my sympathies are with the bride. She probably just doesn't want to have to explain it to everyone who asks her about it on an occasion that's supposed to be about her.

Edited to add: I'm actually offended at the idea of deliberately going wearing the ears when the bride specifically offered the invitation on the condition that she does not wear the ears. However ridiculous the condition my appear to her guest, she did draw a boundary there, and boundaries should be respected if possible. And it's a wedding, it's a stressful time for her.

[shadowings]

I... no. You don't wear them out of respect for the bride's wishes. I mean, I feel uncomfortable as hell in dresses and heels, but I wear them to nice events like weddings because showing up in jeans and a t-shirt is unacceptable. (unless it's specifically mentioned, you know) Plus if she wore them then it'd be totally intentional snubbing.

[holdouttrout]

Hmm. I am of two minds about this. I don't think the bride should have asked, considering this person wears the ears everywhere, but... I kinda sympathize with people who are uncomfortable with nonconformity.

I might suggest M talk to the bride and explain that she feels uncomfortable when she isn't wearing the ears--and decide from there if not wearing them is a deal-breaker or not.

[maire]

I certainly don't think the person should go, wearing the ears. She should either ask the bride, explaining how important it is to her, or she should not go. Or go feeling half-naked, maybe.

If someone gives a party with a dress code, that's their right. Showing up without complying with the dress code is boorish.

[jack]

Stupid question, but surely the obvious resolution is to wear a _hat_?

[pensnest]

Quite so! I cannot approve of someone who would rather wear several-years-old tiger ears than a Proper Hat.